A Silent Awakening
by Princess Ashira
Summary: Sorry, nothing new.  I saw an inconsistency that I could not tolerate.  I am, however, working on the next chapter.
1. Lightning

This is the result of listening to a lot of Metallica in between playing a lot of KotOR II. I'd like some extra feedback. This has become a prequel to a play-through. LSF Exile

* * *

I knew intimately the feeling of life slipping through my fingers. No soldier survived the Mandalorian wars clean of that taint. I knew how it felt to snuff out a light in the Force with my bare hands. I had killed to protect the innocent, killed in the name of war, and killed to protect myself. At this moment, however, I had never felt more helpless in my life.

The seat beneath me felt cold, hard, and unyielding. The straps on my arms were tight, cutting off blood flow to my fingers. The mask over my eyes hid my gaze from the angry glares of the witnesses. They blamed me for the death of their son. Water dripped down my hair and onto my clothing.

I could hear a strong voice before me giving what must have been a very dramatic speech. I could hear gasps and murmurs of assent rising through a crowd that lay hidden from my view. They had filed in after I had taken my seat in the place of honor. Well, if it's an honor to die before a jeering crowd. I wished I could tell what he was saying. Every syllable was enunciated with perfect clarity, but they did not find a place of understanding within my mind.

I did not know what he was saying. I did know why I was in this room, sitting in this chair, waiting for death to take me.

* * *

I had hoped to refuel, or at least restock my food supplies. The sparsely populated world looked rather pleasant. I could find no ports at which to land, no places where I might buy fuel, and only a few small settlements. This planet definitely seemed backwoods: only a handful of systems lacked hyperspace travel. I could think of no other reason why a planet would have no place to dock.

I tried to make a landing in an open field outside the only settlement I found that might qualify as a city. I must have miscalculated my descent, because before I could even react, a siren was blaring and I was plummeting to the ground at a terrible speed. Fortunately, the cockpit was spared the bulk of the force that might have crushed it flat with me inside. Sadly, the rest of my ship was not so lucky. I cursed; my crash site would be far too easy to find.

I freed myself of my safety harness and scavenged what supplies I could. Hesitantly I stepped off the smoldering remains of my ship into the bright sunlight, and was immediately greeted by a friendly looking face.

He was human, pretty much like all of the other humans I'd ever seen, so this world might have once been a colony. Maybe the settlers had crashed, or their transports had fallen apart after decades of disuse.

The young man had a cheeky smile that made me grin in return. Smiles were a rarity in exile; nobody seemed to know how to smile at me, and my face had all but forgotten the feeling. The boy had light brown hair, bright blue eyes, and skin a little darker than my own. He seemed interested in all that I had brought with me. He laughed at my vibroblades. He puzzled over the wreckage of the small ship I'd arrived in. It would have been a magnificent story for him and a moment of mirth for me, had not the others arrived.

They seemed almost to ignore me as they spoke, but the argument was clearly about me. I found it interesting that although they seemed to have no notion of space travel, it was a vicious reworking of the classic blaster that found its way into the fight. The new fellow took one shot, and life as I knew it ended.

The weapon's roar ripped through my ears. I looked down, but I was unharmed. Then, I looked to the boy. Blood blossomed through the laughing boy's fingers. I rushed forward to try and stanch it. The man with the weapon fled, but I clipped his ankle with my blaster as he ran. He stumbled but did not fall, and disappeared behind a corner. I tried to block the frantic feeling in my heart from reaching my face as I looked down at my new friend.

The boy looked at me in confusion, and held his bloodied hand to my cheek. I screamed for help, but none came. The streets held an eerie silence. I held him as he died, my hands stuffed into his wound; I had long since run out of kolto. He bled out faster than I could have imagined. So many battles, and I'd still forgotten how quickly life fades. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I sobbed like a child.

Moments later, we were surrounded. Someone pulled my hands out of the wound. I felt the cold metal shackles bind my wrists. They didn't have stun cuffs, and they weren't even real durasteel, which I found painfully ironic. I was no Jedi, so iron was more than adequate to bind me.

* * *

They didn't throw me in a force cage, but an iron cage. I was disarmed, and my scant possessions were tucked away. I tried a few times to find a common language, but it was hopeless; I was alone. At that realization, a fragment of my humanity died.

They brought me food, more food than I'd had to eat in a long time. I could almost feel the gauntness fading from my face.

For the first two weeks, I was alone in my cage. I was used to being alone, but it felt different when I was actually surrounded by people. Others passed through often enough, but they never met my gaze.

I was bored and lonely, so I did my best to exercise. I was just starting to feel fit and healthy when they added my first cellmate.

He was a big brute. He wore his dark hair short, which drew attention to the myriad scars peppering his scalp. When he first saw me, I noticed an evil glint in his dark eyes. A wicked grin came over his face as his eyes raked over my body. Immediately he began to disrobe. Ten minutes later he was naked and whimpering on the stone floor. They carried my cellmate out on a stretcher.

Over the next three days, this event repeated two times more with only slight variation in the details.

They must have given up on pairing me with male cellmates; the next was a woman. She had blonde hair and green eyes. We were content to ignore each other.

* * *

I picked up crying in my down time. I never cried loudly, I just allowed the tears to silently flow.

It was while I wept that I noticed a lovely woman with the same kindly blue eyes as the laughing boy. She had a longer version of his light brown hair, and her skin was just a little lighter than his had been. Almost as though the Force was speaking to me, I knew that this was his mother. Her eyes were filled with tears as well, and she spoke a few words to me. Up to that point, I thought I had wished I understood what was said to me. The feeling took on a whole new meaning as I tried vainly to interpret her words. I approached the edge of my cage, grasping one of the bars. She took my hand, and we wept together. My crying turned into wailing, and I only stopped when I realized that it was the mother who was comforting me. We attempted an awkward hug which didn't really work with the bars in the way, and she departed.

* * *

They took another two weeks before my trial finally began. Maybe the guy who was assigned to defend me wasn't an idiot, but I immediately got the impression that he was. A few images of my bloodied face were shown on a large screen, a few more of the laughing boy. My old cellmates spoke against me. I groaned inside; I knew there was no way I was getting out of this mess.

A dozen or so strangers left the room to deliberate my fate. They were back within a half hour. I looked to my defender, and saw the defeated look in his eyes. I was devastated, but this time I could not cry. I suspected that I would never leave this planet, never hear a kind word, and never be free again.

My suspicions were confirmed as they placed me back in shackles. They weren't exactly gentle before, but they nearly dislocated my arm from its socket as they cuffed me. They didn't bother letting me get my footing before they started to drag me back to my cell. I couldn't understand the words, but I understood the laughter as I was thrown, still cuffed, back into the cage. I couldn't break my fall, and I landed on my face.

When I woke, I was free of the cuffs. The bloody spot above my left eye had been roughly bandaged. My cellmate was gone.

* * *

I couldn't believe that after everything that I had survived, I would die here not comprehending a single word spoken to me. In fact, I didn't believe it until a week later when they strapped me to that infernal chair.

I could still hear the rolling voice of the man; clearly he was used to making long speeches. He probably would have sounded compelling if I had understood a word of it. I tried again to listen to the intonation, hoping to hear something I recognized.

As they prepared my body for death, I grew angry. _How dare they? It's the Force, or the gods that be, that decide who gets to live or die. How could they make that decision for me?_ My anger rose, and then fell. I thought a bit harder. _I'd made that decision for many._

I pondered this question, but was forced to discard it in shame. Fear still gripped my heart.

I thought back to my time as a child. I had only one memory of my parents. I couldn't see their faces, but I could remember them teaching me how to pray. I don't even recall to whom we were praying, I just remembered the feeling. In my time of need, I prayed. I pleaded to the Force, the gods that be, anyone that would listen. I prayed that they would be shown the truth of that day. I knew by then that it was too late to save my life, and yet I persisted.

Nothing changed. I prayed for a miracle.

As I pondered my life, I decided that I was in fact guilty. I did not kill the boy, indeed I mourned him, but I could not proclaim myself to be innocent.

My mind stretched out. _If I can't feel the Force, will it accept me in death?_ I couldn't remember what my masters had told me about it. _Was I so self-centered that I had never thought to ask?_

The voice rolled on, and I could tell that he was nowhere near finishing. I'd attended enough Senate meetings to know when a speech was only beginning.

My patience wore thin. _What are they waiting for?_ In horror I realized that I was anxious to die. _Did I always feel this way? Was I just playing my part, hoping that I'd die?_

I felt a new energy as this thought surged through me. Still the voice continued. Whatever he had to say, it couldn't have been that important. _Now is not the time for speeches. You can give them over my grave. Just get this over with!_

His speech continued. I didn't know what to think. I was anxious to embrace death, to finally be reunited with the Force.

"Just do it! I'm sick of waiting!" I shouted to the crowd. A hand snapped across the back of my head, and I held my tongue. They wouldn't hasten my departure. They would make me wait.

An eternity passed as unfamiliar words droned through still air. Then, silence. Finally, the man had finished speaking.

I listened for the flick of the switch that would bring about my death. I listened for it, and sure enough I heard a clicking noise.

I could feel static electricity building around me. The little hairs on my arms stood on end. They flipped a second switch.

Nothing happened.

I heard two more clicks, and I remembered seeing that it took five to power up their death machine. I braced myself as I heard the final click.

Nothing.

_What's taking so long?_ I was beginning to panic. _Why can't I just die?_

The crowd was murmuring, but one familiar voice rang out from the rest. The voice was chanting something, and then I heard the voices unite in repeating those same words. "Free her." Until that moment, I'd assumed that they'd drag me outside and shoot me. But then, I felt hands release the straps that held me bound. The hood was lifted from my face, and the chanting died down as the witnesses filed out of the room.

My prayer had been heard.

I did not question why I'd been saved, or why I was granted the miracle of understanding. It was the will of the Force, and I only hoped that one day I would be reintroduced to its majesty.

I walked back to the shattered remains of my ship, wondering where next to go. The boy's mother followed. "I'm sorry," I told her, "I didn't mean for this to happen."

She smiled sadly, and replied, "His name was Evan. I could tell from the moment I saw you that you didn't kill him. He would have wanted you to be free."

She handed me a bundle in which all of my possessions had been stowed. I placed it on the ground and embraced her. We required no more words. We cried together, and together we started to heal.

Our moment was broken by bright lights, as a Republic shuttle landed gently next to the corpse of my ship. A young man in the garb of an ensign boldly stepped out, and then hesitantly whispered, "You're the Jedi Exile, right?" I frowned and nodded. He straightened and declared, "General, I have orders to escort you to Citadel Station at Telos. I'll take you to _the Harbinger_ when your business here is complete."

I didn't know why I was important enough for the Republic to rescue, but it was the will of the Force that brought them to me. I picked up my bundle and approached the boarding ramp of the shuttle.

"I'm Lexi," I told the woman.

"I'm Lisa," she replied.

I looked back one last time, and then boarded the shuttle.

* * *

The shuttle ride was brief and uneventful. As we boarded _the Harbinger_, a feeling took root in my soul. I almost didn't recognize it, and then I wasn't sure I believed it. I felt hope.


	2. Meetings and Memories

_Sorry about removing this chapter. I've extended it. The first stage of beta is complete, and I've reread it, so while I'm still open to suggestions, I shouldn't be tweaking this chapter anymore.  
_

* * *

I dreamed. My dreams always seemed to be a little different from night to night, ensuring that I never could tell what was just dreams, what was memory, and what was vision. This was complicated further by the fact that sometimes the dreams were so vivid and my own memories so vague that I couldn't always tell them apart while waking. It had, however, been somewhat easier to identify visions before I found my first tenuous reconnection to the Force. Without the Force, I saw no visions. Only my memories and my imagination could battle to control how I perceived my own reality.

The first portion of my dream was utter nonsense. Something about pink and purple gizka riding a bright green rancor, which was for some reason jumping about like a gizka itself. For no apparent reason, Master Vrook was there wearing a blue shimmersilk gown, writhing like a Twi'lek dancing girl. It made perfect sense at the time, although I couldn't say exactly why. Silly dreams seem to be like that sometimes.

My dream turned gradually from silly to serious, as the fantastical images melted away to be replaced by familiar images. Unlike my normal dreams, I did not watch myself as a insect on the wall. I saw everything through my own eyes, and although I knew it might turn into a nightmare, it was sure to be an interesting dream. I vaguely tried to wake, but curiosity got the better of me, and I started to observe my own actions.

I saw my fingers dancing over the keys of a sophisticated computer console. I was so self-assured, so confident that I would find what I was seeking. My fingers were much shorter than I remembered, but I recognized the grubby nails as my own. I watched the view screen as my own records came into view. I couldn't make out most of the text, probably because I could remember actually doing this once, when I was nine years old.

This was a dream, derived from a memory. When I looked up my records on that occasion years before, I did not bother to read most of the text; it made sense for me to not recall it now. The parts I had ignored, evaluations and reprimands, were blurry and indecipherable to my dream-memory eyes. My dream self recalled that I'd looked up those censures a few times in the years previous, usually to assess the damage of some prank or another. I hadn't really been concerned with it that time around. I skipped to the very bottom of the record, to the earliest entries. I was looking at where the Jedi had found me.

_Origin: (Sector, System, Planet, Moon if applicable)_

_Hutt Space, Y'Toub System, Nal Hutta, Nar Shaddaa_

_Further information: _[Dated a few weeks before I came to the Enclave] _A force-sensitive human female child was found abandoned at orphanage. She is likely about two standard years old, but seems rather precocious. Officials at the orphanage suspect that she was abandoned by a refugee rumored to be an escort._

I knew they were referring to a hooker, but in the Jedi's attempts to be subtle about that fact, they nearly disguised it completely. I read on:

[Dated a few days later] _The escort was located, and a genetic match confirmed. We informed the biological mother of our intent to train her child, a request which was reluctantly granted. The child is to be removed to Dantooine immediately._

I recalled that I'd spent the next two hours looking up any information on the Smuggler's Moon that I could, until a Master found me and rebuked me for hacking the computer system. The Masters never found out how deeply I'd hacked; all they caught me doing was surfing the holonet, trying to find out more about my old home. The dream skimmed over this portion of my life like some crazy montage, but strangely did not skip it completely, two hours condensed into a few minutes.

My dream threw a hydrospanner into its own flow and changed both time frame and locale. I watched as my fingers grew longer, and my nails became cleaner. It was two years later, and I was eleven years old. My master and I were visiting Nar Shaddaa. With a bit of begging and pleading, I had convinced her to take me to the orphanage where I'd been discovered. We had claimed that it was to scout for Force-sensitive children; we both knew better.

The staff had resisted telling me who my mother was, but I persuaded them to give me her name using my cute young padawan charm. I swallowed a lump in my throat as I heard my own name repeated back to me. I knew I had to meet her.

My dream rushed me forward a few hours to that evening, when I'd managed to sneak out and meet the woman who was my mother. I was shocked by what I saw, by my namesake.

Alexis Mayn had curly hair in a very light flavor of natural blonde; at the time my hair was the same color, but straight. She had a narrow chin, a trait I did not inherit. We both had full lips and high cheekbones, and we both had very long limbs, although I was still growing into my own. She had light blue eyes that had been somehow made bleary, though I wasn't sure which drug could be responsible for the hopelessness that accompanied it.

"Which are you?" she asked, her breath reeking of cheap booze and cheaper spice. I noticed she slurred her words slightly.

"Pardon?" I asked, confused.

"Always so polite, you Jedi. But never polite enough. There were three. The Jedi took three children. Which are you?" she asked, her articulation now clear and precise, as though she'd rehearsed this speech.

I stood there dumbly. How could I possibly know?

Her eyes seemed to clear a bit as she started to look pensive. After a pregnant pause, she continued, "well you can't be the last. That one was a boy. You're probably too young to be the first. So you must be the second."

I backed away, horrified by her state, and shocked at her revelation. I was also horrified at my own cowardice, able to speak but one word to the woman who had given me life. I saw myself, now watching as a disembodied observer, running as fast as my awkward young legs could carry me before the dream darkened.

The dream returned to my room, where my Master found me shaking in the corner, curled up in the fetal position. "Master, I don't want to be Alexis anymore. Don't call me that, please," I choked out through dry sobs.

"What would I call you then?" asked my Master, now sitting beside me on the floor.

"Lexi. Please, call me Lexi." I couldn't bear to be associated with that woman.

My Master wrapped her arm around my shoulders, "Alexis, I know you met your mother tonight. I believe she loves you." I stared at her, incredulous. "If you wish, we can help her," my master told me gently.

"She abandoned me. How could she possibly love me?" I asked hesitantly, willing myself not to cry.

"The Force tells me so. Can't you feel it? She gave you to the Jedi because she knew you'd have a better life and a chance at a future."

I felt the Force whisper through me, and I knew my Master was right. I gathered what strength and stoicism I could, swallowing thickly. My voice was strained as I replied, "In that case, the Jedi should help her. She gave three children to the Order, so someone probably owes her something in return."

My master had been getting up, but froze as I mentioned the number.

"Three? Three children? Oh, dear…" my Master trailed off. I saw her shaking her head sadly, and the dream faded once again to black.

The remainder of my dream consisted of flashes of images, some ridiculous and others horrifying. The dream degenerated into a nightmare from which I could not wake. Even this did not last long. I soon slipped deeper into unconsciousness, death hesitantly tapping at the door of my spirit. I did not answer its call, but slept deeper still. If I dreamed, the memory of such dreams is lost to me. I did not awaken until I was bidden to rise.

* * *

I sensed more than I heard the voice that urged me to wake. The rebreather mask fell away from my face as my eyes slowly opened. The liquid over my eyes blurred my vision; the swishing in my ears flooded my senses, blocking out any other sound. My skin was deprived of all sensation. I sealed my lips against the kolto, but too late; my head broke the surface and I emerged from the tank sputtering.

I fell to the floor and my skin suddenly felt like it was exploding. The nerves in my sodden flesh were finally getting input, and the feeling was overwhelming. I waited for the fluid to drain from my ears while I earnestly struggled to get the awful taste out of my mouth. My knees buckled from disuse and I fell to my hands and knees. I blinked the kolto's blurriness from my eyes and began to take in my surroundings. I rose hesitantly, not wanting to fall again. My knees were already trying to bruise; I did my best to ignore them.

I just stood for a few moments surveying my situation. Five tanks stood in a circular room, and all save mine were occupied. I'd seen people recover in kolto tanks; those who were going to make it seemed to twitch a bit from time to time. The four strangers were oddly still in their tanks, as though they were sleeping amongst the dead. I wondered if I slept so soundly in my own tank.

I couldn't tell where I was, only that I was alone. I made my way to the only door that wasn't stuck fast, and found a medical console. My body tried to heave when I learned that the four strangers were dead, but the heaving eventually dissolved into silent tears.

My eyes were blurred with tears as I picked the lock on the medical supplies, hoping to find myself something to wear aside from the jumpsuit I'd been issued aboard the _Harbinger_ for my on-site medical exam. All I found was some chemicals. I supposed I could eventually use to make something more useful, but they'd be of no assistance in the clothing department. I set them down long enough to open the morgue doors at the console; maybe I could find something useful there.

In the morgue, my first point of focus was the refresher. I ignored the corpses and rushed to clean the tacky kolto from my skin. As hot water poured over me, I rinsed out my jumpsuit and sighed. The only towel was far too small for modesty; I'd have to dry the jumpsuit as well as I could since it was my only choice for clothing.

As I returned to the morgue, I noticed just how cold they kept the place. Goosebumps rose on my arms and I shivered, clenching my teeth to keep them from chattering. Two corpses were laid out on the exam tables, still fully dressed, and one I could see was clutching a plasma torch. I cringed as I approached; I loathed the feeling of cold dead flesh against my own. I reminded myself that I was stuck here without any food, any clothes, or any solid idea where I was, and that I'd have to get over my squeamishness if I didn't want to die. The corpse's death grip had long since loosened, and I easily retrieved the torch; I never even contemplated taking its clothing.

"Find what you're looking for amongst the dead?" the other corpse asked me. I nearly jumped out of my skin, the coldness of the room forgotten.

"Holy Force! Who are you?" I asked dumbly, struggling to find something to say to the woman I'd assumed was dead only moments before.

"I am Kreia, and I am your rescuer, as you are mine. Tell me, do you recall what happened?"

"What? My rescuer? You were dead." Kreia gave me a look that told me she was not amused. I revised my statement, "Last thing I remember, I was on board a Republic ship, the _Harbinger_…. What happened to it?"

"Your ship was attacked. You were the only survivor… a result of your Jedi training, no doubt."

"I am _not_ a member of the Jedi Order," I replied, unable to mask the bitterness in my voice.

"Your stance, your walk tells me you _are_ a Jedi. Your walk is heavy, you carry something that weighs you down," she countered, seeming to ignore my tone. Inwardly I conceded that she was technically correct.

"The Jedi Order and I have a… troubled history." _Understatement of the century._

"So it would seem. Keep your past, and let us focus on the now."

"What is this place?" _I already know I'm at a place called Peragus, please say something useful._

"I do not know. I was removed from the events of the world as I slept. A survey of the surroundings may provide the answers we seek. The ship we arrived in must still be in this place. We should recover it and leave."

"Care to explain why you're in such a hurry?" I asked, frustrated that she had no problem with talking my ear off, as long as she got to pick the subject matter.

"We were attacked once, and I fear our attackers will not give up the hunt so easily. Without transport, weapons, and information, they will find us easy prey indeed." _Well duh. I might not even get to claim understatement of the conversation at this rate._

"You seem nervous, worried. Is something wrong?" I asked, suddenly realizing that I wasn't the only feeling human being in this frustrating little conversation.

"Even as I slept, I felt much unrest here. I saw strange visions, minds colored with fear. Now, everything here feels terribly silent. I would find out as much as you can about this place quickly. I fear we will need to depart as suddenly as we arrived."

"We'll see. There's got to be someone left alive around here." _Force willing, there's someone else here to talk with._

"You may wish to extend your search to some clothes… if only for proper first impressions."

_As if I didn't know that already_, I groaned inwardly. "The patients in med bay were killed by a lethal dose of sedatives. Any idea how it happened?"

"I do not know. Why did they spare you?"

"They didn't. I got the same dose, but survived." In that moment I knew why, but the question had already been asked so I listened for her answer.

"Indeed, a Jedi trance could protect one from such poisons…. In fact, the sedatives may have been intended to keep you unconscious for some time. It would prove lethal to those untrained in such techniques, however. Most curious."

"You seem to know a lot about Jedi techniques," I retorted.

"And so do you. Perhaps we could discuss it at length later on. Now we have other concerns; among them, finding our new enemy."

"Maybe when I return you'll actually answer my questions," I replied, exasperated.

"I have found that answers some in their own time, not ours. Turn your energy to the matter at hand. If we cannot find a way out of here, the answers will prove useless anyway." _Why do all Jedi have to be so blasted cryptic?_

"I'll be back soon to check in on you," I replied.

"I leave you to the explorations of this place… here I will remain and attempt to center myself." I walked away with a decidedly creepy feeling crawling its way over my skin, even over the chill which I was once again privy to notice.

The plasma torch wound up being useful, to my great surprise. _Strange that the one item I manage to find is exactly what I need. I guess I'm not as unlucky as I thought._ I walked into the next chamber, where I saw a corpse clutching a vibroblade. "Gaah!" I exclaimed in frustration. _Why can I never seem to find the swear word I'm looking for?_ "It figures," I muttered to myself, freeing the blade from the man's death grip. I cringed a bit as I did so. Something about it made me feel so… unclean.

As I opened another door, a mining droid with terrible aim attacked me, and was followed by several more. Fortunately, dispatching the droids was easy enough and I pressed forward.

::…be careful… there is much energy in the room beyond… yet it stems from nothing that lives…::

_Kreia? What the f-?_

::…can you not sense them… reach out… cast aside your sight, cast aside what you see, and instead, reach out with your perceptions…::

I did as she asked without question, an action which immediately raised a few red flags in my mind. I never liked to do anything without knowing why. Sure enough, however, I could feel something in the next room.

::…ah you can feel them… the droids you cannot perceive, but the small oscillations of energy… that you can feel… echoing outwards…::

I entered the room and proceeded to take out a few more droids. With one more droid still standing, I sensed her continue.

::Ah… you hear it. It is faint… but it is there.::

_What is happening?_

::It is the Force you feel… it has not been so long as for you to forget…::

_It has been almost a decade. I had nearly managed to forget._

::Do not turn away from it. Listen… feel it echoing within you. Come, I will guide you down the familiar paths. You will need it if we are to survive and escape this place.::

I felt her presence withdraw from me, and just in time. I destroyed the last droid, feeling lucky that her little interruption hadn't cost me my life. _What kind of psycho interrupts an ally during active combat?_

Don't get me wrong, I was pleased that I could feel the Force again, but it was disturbing to hear that old woman in my head. Again. I didn't even have to ask to know it was her voice that first woke me. I didn't tell her so, but I've never liked anyone rooting around in my head very much. I just hoped she'd figure it out soon enough and leave my mind alone. I carefully hid my recent brush with death that had reestablished my connection with the Force. I preferred that she believe that she was responsible for my connection.

I continued to search for supplies from the bodies that littered the floor. I kept telling myself _they can't use it anyway, they're dead, it's not like they care_, but that served as only a slight comfort. Twice I had to run back to the refresher to wash my hands. Part of my squeamishness was shame; I was ashamed that it would have bothered me less if the bodies were still warm.

I continued to explore, playing whatever holo records I could in order to get a better handle on this place, but I was dismayed as I found that just about every door led to or was itself a dead end. I battled a good number of droids, feeling just a bit more comfortable in combat as they fell at my feet.

As I passed an otherwise unremarkable portion of the largest room, I noticed a door. It was magnetically sealed, yet it seemed different. I only had a moment's opportunity to wonder why before I heard her voice in my head again.

::…ah… Beyond this door someone yet lives…. Be mindful… his thoughts are… difficult to read…. But you have nothing to fear from this one… and he might yet prove useful…::

I recalled that as I scoured the various holo records for clues, I heard mention of a console with an override switch. I knew exactly the console to which that record referred, and found the override switch easily.

I returned to the door, and wondered what kind of prisoner I would find.

As I opened the door, I could feel a pair of eyes upon me. _What color are your eyes? I can't tell._

"Nice outfit. What, you miners change regulation uniforms while I've been in here?"

I wanted to be nice to the guy, I really did, but my mouth was content to ignore my brain, "I'd keep those eyes up, and tell me who you are."

"Atton… Atton Rand. Excuse me if I don't shake hands. The field only causes mild electrical burns."

"Care to explain why you're locked up?" _Wait, he's alive, and he's kind of cute. What do I care how he wound up in here?_

"Security claimed I violated some trumped-up regulation or another; take it up with them if you want, but they stopped listening to me shortly before they stopped feeding me. Now that's criminal." My heart went out to him. Kolto has enough nutrients that one doesn't have to eat, but the gnawing feeling in my stomach didn't agree.

"What is this place?"

"You mean you didn't come here on purpose? I'm shocked, I really am. This little slice of paradise is the Peragus mining facility, the only supplier of shipping-grade engine fuel to this corner of the galaxy. Peragus fuel plays havoc with engines, but it gets the job done…as long as you don't mind the toxic byproducts and trying to mine it without blowing yourself up."

"Everybody's gone. Dead. What in space happened?"

"You mean, before or after that Jedi showed up? Either way, it's a real short story. You see, this Jedi shows up, and you know what that means. Where there's one Jedi, the Republic will soon be crawling up your ion engine in no time. But the story gets better. See, some of the miners get it into their ferrocrete skulls that since the Jedi's unconscious, they can collect the bounty the Exchange has posted for live Jedi. Well, what passes for the law here didn't like that idea, so the two groups started fighting. Then there was some big explosion, I was sitting here for a long time, then you showed up in your underwear and things got a lot better."

I suppressed a chuckle, and then what he told me sank in a bit. "There's a bounty on captured Jedi? Why?"

"Don't know much about it. Maybe the Exchange wants one as a trophy, or somebody's got something against the Jedi and is looking to collect. Not many Jedi left… wouldn't surprise me if the bounty's pretty high."

My heart skipped a beat. "Not many Jedi left? That's not possible. What happened to them?" I asked, my mouth going dry.

"The ones that weren't killed in the Jedi Civil War ended up switching off the lightsabers long ago. Word is, there's not even a Jedi Council anymore, but who knows?"

"I had heard rumors of a war, but a war between Jedi?" Even as I asked it, I knew he meant the Sith. It didn't matter. Only Jedi could really tell the difference anyway.

"Yeah, Revan, Malak, and the Jedi that went to join them in the Mandalorian Wars. They turned against the other Jedi and had a scrap that almost laid waste to the galaxy. Heh. Where have you been?"

I swallowed thickly as I thought of my old friends and comrades. _I should have known_. "I've heard a few rumors, but…" I trailed off.

"Well, I wasn't there, but like all Sith, Revan and Malak turned on each other. After they turned on the Jedi of course." I noticed he wouldn't look at me as he said that.

"She wouldn't do that." I'd managed to get reliable news about exactly one galactic event. "I happen to know that Revan saved the Jedi, and the Republic," I answered.

"I guess… there's rumors all over space about it. All I heard was Revan returned to pay Malak back for trying to kill her in the first place. You know women."

I cringed a bit at these words. He didn't really know what he was talking about. "If Revan was redeemed, then she was forced to stop Malak. She wouldn't…" I ached inwardly, praying that it was true, and that she had indeed found redemption.

"Well, I wasn't there, thankfully. But I heard what she was like during the Mandalorian Wars, and it sounded like she was quick to wipe out anyone who crossed her. Dark Jedi are bad enough, but when a woman falls to the dark side, you better space yourself before they catch you. Uh, no offense or anything." I resisted a tiny urge to simply overload his force cage as I reminded myself that he didn't know the good woman "Revan" had once been.

I took a deep breath and replied stiffly, "I'll get over it. I had some more questions for you."

"Look, not like your half-naked interrogation isn't a personal fantasy of mine, but…. Hey, wait a minute. You're that Jedi the miners were talking about. Where is everybody?"

_Took you long enough._ "I don't know, the whole place seems deserted." _If we don't count the corpses._

"The miners can't all be gone. But if they are…. Look. Hey, let me out, and I can help you. I can. I've gotten out of trouble countless times."

_Why doesn't that surprise me?_ His pleas to be released were almost endearing, even though he entreated my chest rather than my face. "Tell me your plan," I urged, "and we can go from there."

His plan was simple enough. Get out of prison, reroute the emergency systems, and grab a ship from the hangar. I asked him about the med bay murders, even though I was already confident he wasn't involved. My character appraisal skills were a bit rusty, anyway. His reply convinced me immediately.

I freed him before I asked all of my questions; it just seemed cruel to leave him in a force cage half-starved and exhausted. I couldn't help but be impressed at his maneuver with the command console, even though it only gave us back communications.

Atton didn't think it was a good idea, but still I called out into the abyss, hoping that someone or something would hear me.

I heard Atton grumble as a rather cute beeping answered my call to the hangar bay.

"Can you read me?" I asked. The cameras came online, and I chuckled; I was right. A very cute little astromech droid replied to the affirmative. "Are you operational?" I asked. I smiled as he told me he was. I couldn't help it, the little droid immediately looked male to me. "We're trapped up on the administration level. Can you unlock the turbolifts?" I was rather disappointed by the negative response, but hid it from my reply, "Is there some other way out of here besides the turbolifts?" His answer wasn't exactly what I'd hoped for, but the emergency hatch was still better than nothing. "I'd rather risk it than be trapped up here." I heard a reply that came across as rather dubious, despite coming from a droid.

I stepped back, knowing that I was gambling with our fates. I only hoped it would pay off. My stomach grumbled and I noticed how pale Atton had become.

"Hey, would you mind waiting by the comm? I'm going to track down some food," I said after the connection went silent.

"Like hell you are, I'm coming with you," he replied.

"Atton, just how long were you in that force cage? How many days has it been since you've eaten? How dehydrated have you become? You know you're in no condition to do anything until you've rested and eaten. And that includes looking for food. I thought I saw some not far from here. Just sit tight, I promise you that I'll be right back." Atton nodded and slumped to the floor near the console, visibly relieved.

I paused for a moment to recall exactly where I'd seen the food, and then I remembered that I had spotted something stashed in a cabinet in the medical bay. I hoped against hope that it was food I'd espied rather than the probable alternative of medical gauze, and my hopes were satisfied as I arrived to find a handful of military-grade dehydrated meals. I prepared the meals on the spot, figuring that the command deck was unlikely to have a refresher faucet.

I brought our food in with a flourish, presenting Atton's meal as though I were a waitress in some fancy restaurant. Beyond waiting for me to plop down on the floor beside him, Atton didn't stand on ceremony where his eating was concerned. We ate in silence except for the occasional smacking of fork against lips. After Atton finished wolfing down the last of his food, he started talking again.

"So, uh, how long have you been a Jedi? Must be tough, you know… no family, no husband…"

_You were almost cute, and then you just had to open your mouth._ "No tougher than enduring your false sympathy while you're staring at my chest." I slapped myself inside. I wasn't going to make any friends if I kept allowing my mouth to ignore my brain.

"Hey, I wasn't try-" he started to say before being cut off by the emergency hatch opening.

"Hey, what do you know, that little cargo cylinder came through," Atton remarked.

"It looks like it, but it's strange he didn't contact us on the comm."

"If he got the turbolifts working then we should have a clear run to the hangar."

"The turbolifts are locked down manually, so I had him open the emergency hatch." The look on his face at that moment would have been funny under different circumstances.

"Wait, wait. Don't tell me you're taking that hatch down into the mining tunnels… are you? That explosion I heard came from below. There's probably nothing down there except superheated rock and collapsed blast tunnels. You'd be an idiot to go down there."

"Maybe, but it's the only way out, and it's better I risk my life than yours. Besides, you have to recover."

"You're either really brave or really crazy, or both." His look showed a bit of awe and a bit of gratitude, masked by incredulity. I could tell that he was letting a bit of genuine emotion leak through. I smiled despite myself, and decided that I liked this guy.

"All right, I'll try to monitor things from up here. Be careful, the only thing moving down there is likely to be mining droids, so don't be playing hero too hard." _Atton Rand, if I didn't know better I'd think you were worried about me._

Almost as though he was reading my thoughts, he amended his statement, "Uh, not that I care what happens to you or anything. I just don't want to be trying to get off this rock by myself."

"Your concern is noted. I'll be going now," I replied with a wink.

He took my hand in his and placed a comlink in my palm. "I'll keep the comlink open… I may be able to guide you through the tunnels from up here. Don't know if the signal will hold if you get too deep, though."

My hand tingled as I dashed away to the mining tunnels smiling like a fool. Ever since my exile, I had felt this kind of empty feeling that manifested as pain in my skin. At first I tried to treat it as an injury, but it never seemed to help. The tingling feeling radiated up my arm and for a few brief moments, the pain was gone. I giggled to myself; I had finally found a treatment. I allowed the warmth to enfold me as I made my way down the turbolift to the mining tunnels.

Atton kept true to his word. I'd been in the tunnels for all of three seconds when I heard his first transmission. "Can you read me?"

"Barely. There's a lot of static."

"There's a lot of interference down there, probably caused by that explosion. Still, it looks like there's a route down to the Peragus fuel depot, if the passages haven't collapsed. That explosion knocked out most of the sensors. There should be an emergency crate in the next room. Watch yourself. There's a lot of droid broadcasts in that area, but I can't pin them down."

I sighed, relieved. _I might not be wandering into a death trap for nothing._ "I'll be careful then. If you detect anything, signal me." I had no idea how literally he'd take that statement.

"Will do, and be careful down there."

I had just opened the crate with the emergency supplies when Atton was back on the comm. "Find the emergency supplies?"

"Yes… and it looks like there's some clothes in here."

"Dammit! Uh… I mean good, good to hear it. No sense in you running around half-naked. It's… it's distracting… I mean, for the droids." His consternation at my finding the mining uniform was so amusing that I almost didn't don it. I only did so when I realized that funny or not, my partial nudity was a detriment when I could be dressed and protected. I only got excited about my new clothing when I realized that with gloves, I wouldn't have to directly touch the corpses I searched anymore.

"Find anything good in there?" came Atton's next broadcast.

"Just some safety equipment. Nothing to write home about," I said gently.

"Some of the signals aren't moving. Could be mines up ahead. Keep a sharp eye."

Atton's remark came just in time for me to barely miss stepping into a sonic mine. I sighed heavily. "Thanks. You told me just in time."

"No problem. I'm not sure how much help I can be through here, so I'll be off the comm for a bit."

"I look forward to your next transmission. Have a good 'fresher break." I was joking, but then I wondered if that was in fact what he was off to do.

Atton was gone for several minutes, and his return was rather abrupt. "Did you find the central controller while I was gone?"

"Nope, I… I believe I've just found it."

From there, Atton's help became positively life-saving. He warned me about a particularly toasty part of the tunnel, which rescued me from having to treat some nasty burns. He also helped me identify the main ventilation shaft, which I appreciated. I turned up the heat, and opened the containment fields.

I actually had a bit of fun as I was smashing droids to bits. That is, until Atton told me that a fuel venting was imminent. That added a sense of urgency that I would have loved to avoid. Still, I had to admit it wasn't his fault.

I dove out of the turbolift as a tremendous explosion sealed it from the inside. I didn't have a moment to catch my breath before a snarky "protocol" droid called HK-50 approached me. I didn't believe for a second that a droid that spoke as this one did would have any real utility as a protocol droid.

"Greeting: It is a pleasure to see you alive, Master, provided my receptors are not off-focus. How may I be of assistance?"

"How do you know me? I'm not your Master," I asked, taken aback.

"Answer: I am a survivor of the _Harbinger_, just as you were, Master. With the unexpected termination of my previous Master, you are the only organic which I may now serve."

Organic was an interesting term to use, one that worried me inside, though I couldn't say exactly why. I thought at first that it sounded rather lame. "Who was your previous Master?"

"Answer: The captain of the _Harbinger_, master. I was in transit to Telos to facilitate communications and terminate hostilities…. However, we did not arrive at our intended destination."

"What happened?"

The droid tried to skirt my question, and then implied that I'd been drugged and stuffed into the cargo hold of the _Harbinger_. He also made it sound like the _Harbinger_'s systems were crippled on purpose. I immediately suspected the droid of being responsible. The thing even had the gall to imply that he intended to collect a bounty on my head.

He told me about the freighter that brought me to this rock, and how someone stuffed my lifeless body on that craft as well. I was starting to feel like a commodity rather than a human being, and then he let the gizka out of the bag. Not only did this hunk of slag know I used to be a Jedi, he'd been happy to share that fact with the rest of the facility. _If he hadn't told them, maybe the poor souls on Peragus would still be alive. They wouldn't have been fighting over me, and this hunk of junk might not have seen fit to kill them all._

I had to admit that the droid was creeping me out, and so I backed away as casually as I could. It seemed a strange coincidence that I managed to find a sonic imprint sensor in a plasteel cylinder just across the hallway from the droid. I wasn't sure what I would need it for, but the Force told me that I would need it soon.

The droid was clever, but I was smarter. It was easy enough to hide the sonic imprint sensor as I tricked the droid into mimicking the voice of the maintenance officer. In fact, it was more challenging to disguise my glee so that the droid wouldn't think to take me down before I used the code. I contemplated how difficult it would have been to piece that code together by hand, even if with the sensor to record the fragments. At this thought, I found myself immediately grateful that droids can be gullible at times.

Using the code, I made my way out of the previously voice-locked airlock. Just heading back to the Administration level wasn't going to accomplish anything, but I might find supplies, clues, or survivors in the dormitory section of the station.

"It's about time. I lost your signal after you left the mining tunnels. Now you're coming in clear," Atton said, traces of relief in his voice, "…except I'm picking you up on the exterior of the facility, on the asteroid's surface. That can't be right."

I laughed. "Really? Maybe you should look up."

"Huh? What are you doing out there?" I could see the concern, or possibly confusion, written all over Atton's face. I did my best to mimic a curtsy and blow him a kiss. Most of the effect was lost with the bulk of the space suit.

"I need to reach the miners in the dormitory section, and this is the only way to get there." I knew it was a fool's errand, but I was hoping against hope that I would find survivors.

"You're crazy. Even for a Jedi. Look, you need to get out of there… quick."

"What do you mean?" _I'm moving as fast as I can. And I happen to be crazy awesome, thank you very much_, I thought, not taking my own thoughts seriously. I'm really not that conceited.

"What little is left of the facility's venting systems have gone active, most likely from the explosions in the mining tunnels. They're venting Peragus fuel deposits into space through the exterior vents, right into your path."

_Awesome_, I thought bitterly. "Can't you shut them down?" _Is that too much to hope for?_

"I can't, I'm locked out of the main systems here, I couldn't shut it down if I tried. The vents look like they've been purposely rerouted to vent the gases to the exterior, and only in the last few minutes. It's almost as if… Oh, what now?"

My thoughts went back to the droid. I was certain it was responsible for the fuel venting. _How could this possibly get worse? _

"I don't believe this. There's a ship coming in, sending a docking code. I have a bad feeling about this."

I could remember the _Harbinger_, but as it approached us, I felt a horrid sense of foreboding as well. I privately wondered how Atton knew that this was going to get even worse before I did. I did my best to hurry back to the station.

Within the dormitory section, the most irritating obstacle by far was the fire extinguishers. I felt rather stupid once I remembered that I knew how to handle a blaster, which would allow me to attack without being periodically frozen. I also nearly died fighting a fire suppression droid.

I entered the dormitories, and my heart sank as I realized that everyone was dead. I searched their cold stiff bodies, grateful that a refresher sink was readily available. I was hoping to not burn these gloves until after we escaped. In that sink, I found a datapad. It was one of many, and most seemed to hide grim secrets. My heart nearly broke as I witnessed the deaths of nearly everyone I had been trying to save. When I finished watching the men die, I deciphered the distress signal the miners had been sending out. I felt clever as I figured out the code. I felt relieved as I heard the droid's metallic intonations remind me to enter that code backwards. I boarded the turbolift, unsure whether I'd accomplished anything. As I left the turbolift, I heard three magic words which would have made my heart sing: _emergency lockdown overridden_. If only someone had survived. Even so, I still managed a smile.

"I have felt a disturbance… our enemy is here. We must leave at once." I was rather taken aback to see Kreia standing before me.

"Enemy? Kreia, what enemy?"

"The one that fired upon the _Ebon Hawk_ as we attempted to rescue you… and he will not let us go without blood being shed."

I was confused. "Wait. Who _is_ this enemy?" I asked.

"The story is a long one, and time is short. Come, we must go, and quickly."

I immediately grew frustrated that she wouldn't answer my question, but I let it go. "All right. Let's get a move on," I said hesitantly.

"We need to make our way to the docking area on this level. I fear the airlock has already opened, and if so, we must be on our guard. If we cannot reach the _Ebon Hawk_, then we must find a way to escape on the ship that has docked here."

I didn't like being told what to do, but internally I conceded that she was probably right. We made our way towards Atton. He saw us approaching, and I knew he'd have some smart remark for us.

"What in space is going on? Who's this? Another Jedi? What, did you guys suddenly start breeding when I wasn't looking?"

I gagged a little at the thought, and replied, "Atton, there's no time to explain. Grab a weapon, and follow me."

"Uh…all right. I'm guessing that Republic ship that just docked isn't carrying friends of yours."

_Thank you captain obvious_, I thought, just as Kreia interjected "I hope your talent for understatement is offset by your skill with a blaster. If not, then I fear our time together will be short indeed." I laughed inside as I noticed we had nearly the same thought. _Atton may be contending for prince of understatement, b__ut you're still its queen._

"Yeah, and I'm also good at running and drinking, your majesty." That made me laugh out loud. "And even if you two aren't friends of the Republic, that warship's the only way off this station. Good thing we have a clear run to the shi…"

Just then, the same stupid droid showed up again. "Threat: Master, perhaps I did not enunciate clearly the last time we spoke. I suggested that you should shut down, stay put, and wait for rescue."

"No, you were clear, I just don't listen to assassin droids."

* * *

_Disclaimer: I own nothing!_


	3. More Questions than Answers

_I fear any explanation as to why this took so long will come across as trite and insincere. So I can only offer my apologies. Here's the second half of the Peragus part. Virtually all of Kreia's dialogue comes from in-game. While she's a fascinating character, I don't like her, and I have a hard time writing for her. I'll try later, but for now I just want to get us the hell out of Peragus._

* * *

HK-50 made no effort to hide its identity as an assassin droid, and indeed admitted to murdering the poor souls in the medbay, as well as nearly everyone else on this ship. I was saddened that I was found only by luck, or rather my lack of luck. The last straw fell when the droid threatened to shatter my body to keep me from escaping. _This droid really likes the sound of its own voice._ "I don't want to fight you, but I will if you leave me no other choice." This was a half-truthful statement. I wanted to fight the thing, but only to keep it from inflicting harm on anyone else.

The fight was a difficult one, and Kreia was hit hard as the droid engaged its self-destruct protocol; she took several minutes to rise. After that we moved quickly; I hoped she'd be able to restore herself on board the _Harbinger_. The moment we boarded, Kreia wasted no time in starting one of her trademark awkward conversations.

"Something is wrong…. I sense no one on board."

"'You sense no one on board?' Sense any assassin droids creeping up behind us like last time?" Atton added. I was torn about whose side to take. They were both kind of irritating me at that moment.

"Everyone here has been slain, yet there are few signs of battle, no carbon scoring, no blaster fire. This place has been hit by assassins of a different sort," Kreia clarified.

"Then what are we doing on this ship? We were better off in the facility!" I felt for Atton, until he continued, "You two are supposed to be Jedi? You two are the worst Jedi I've ever met!"

I resented his comment, but held my tongue about the insult. Instead I decided to mediate. "Calm down. We need a plan, not accusations." _Morons._

Kreia decided to annoy me more than Atton ever could with her next remark, "If the assassin machine was correct, then we cannot reach the hangar…. Be silent, I need some time to think."

_Don't tell me to be quiet, I happen to have an idea, and I've had one since before you decided you needed to think._ I wasted little time in ignoring her statement, saying, "We can bypass the force field to the hangar by getting to the engine room on this ship, then exiting through the fuel pipe." _Duh._

Atton was kind enough to be my second personal little rain cloud by countering, "I don't mean to cast another shadow on this, but even if you could reach the ship you came in on, it wouldn't matter. You'll need the orbital drift charts to clear the Peragus asteroid field, unless you want to have the shortest flight out of Peragus ever recorded."

I failed to remove the last traces of petulance from my voice as I countered, "Then how did this ship dock here?"

His reply was at least as mocking, "Well of course, they have the asteroid drift charts in their navicomputer. They'd have to."

I realized that if I wasn't going to be the adult in this situation, then nobody would. It occurred to me that I was also almost certainly the youngest among us. I smirked at the irony. I took a deep breath, and managed to reply calmly, "So let's get their codes, then. Then we can worry about reaching the _Ebon Hawk_."

"Well, we'd have to get to get to the bridge. I mean… well, that's the biggest problem I can see."

"That is a sound plan… for the moment. Let us go." Kreia must have fancied herself the leader of this little operation, for when it took us more than a half second to get moving she added in an irritated tone, "Our enemies gather while we wait here."

_Holy Force, Kreia, don't have a stroke on me_, I thought. I decided to take Atton's side. "Atton's plan was a good one. Let's head to the bridge and get the drift charts."

"All right… but this won't end well, trust me." I believed Atton's assertion, but there wasn't exactly anything I could do about it.

We found the bridge almost immediately. Corpses littered the cramped space. I found myself on tip-toe as I tried not to touch them. Atton, who had been curious enough about my behavior to stay behind, took in a breath sharply as I braced myself on his arm to make my way through a particularly dense corpse heap. "Sorry, I have this thing about dead things…I've never liked the coldness," I whispered to him as we approached the command console.

"I don't blame you," he whispered back, "Do you need me to search them?"

"Would you? Please? I feel like we're gonna need it," I breathed back.

"Sure, no problem," Atton whispered.

"Please don't tell anyone," I pleaded in reply.

"Not a word," he replied as I moved forward to hack the console.

Getting the asteroid drift charts was almost disturbingly easy. I poked through the _Harbinger's_ logs out of curiosity. I gathered that the _Ebon Hawk_ and the Sith freighter that had fired upon it both appeared to be all but empty, with only a handful of corpses on board each craft. I also learned that an Admiral was interested in the freighter, and that the freighter was brought in to the _Harbinger_. I supposed that the stealthed crew of the freighter boarded the _Harbinger_ in secret, crippling it. What was most puzzling was the strange voice that came from the ship's medbay. I decided to not over think its source for the time being, and we pressed on.

It was simultaneously thrilling and terrifying to keep getting jumped by assassins. When we reached the briefing room, I poked through the logs. I was shocked to learn that the _Harbinger_ was sent specifically to retrieve me from the outer rim, and before I had even crashed. _How did the Republic find me?_ I had assumed that my ship's default distress call had been detected and eventually heeded. Also, I wondered why the _Ebon Hawk_ was so important to this Admiral Onasi. I sensed a personal tie regarding its recovery, and wondered what his story might have been. I pushed these thoughts aside, however, as we moved on to the crew quarters.

A lump formed in my throat as we approached the second pair of doors. "Are you all right?" Kreia asked.

"I just need a second, this was my room," I replied.

"This was your room? When?" Atton asked. A small smile touched his face.

"When I was on board the _Harbinger_," I replied. I kicked myself inside. _Could I have been any more vague?_

"We do not have much time. Whatever you intend to do, do it quickly," Kreia noted. Feeling defiant, I took my time inside as Atton followed. Atton grinned lewdly at me as I bent down to open my old footlocker.

I had been emptying the footlocker when Atton spoke. "What's this?" he asked. I saw him seated on my bed, but I couldn't see what he was talking about.

"A bed," I quipped, "Surely you've seen them before."

"No, seriously, what's this?" Atton persisted, holding up a object that looked a bit like a rope.

"That's my hair," I replied shortly. He held a braid of light brown hair that was secured at both ends.

"What did you do?" Atton asked, "I mean obviously you cut it off, but…"

"It was time for the hair to go, and all I had on hand was a vibroknife."

"What? It must have gone all the way down your back. Why did you cut it off?"

"Mourning," I replied simply. Before he could inquire further, I asked, "How did I do?"

"You tell me," he said, motioning to a mirror in my quarters, which I rose to meet.

I looked at myself for the first time in ages. I was startled by my appearance; my personal mental image was still of the blonde, well-fed Jedi knight I'd been just after the end of Mandalorian wars. My grayish blue eyes looked a bit dull, and my skin especially pale. I'd lost a lot of weight during my exile. I still had the same wide jaw and high cheekbones, making my thin appearance seem almost gaunt. I supposed that the weight loss made me look especially rangy below my neck, I couldn't say for sure; it was a very small mirror. My haircut was surprisingly acceptable, jagged but uniform in a manner that I hadn't anticipated. The unevenness looked artistically intentional. I also noted that my hair had darkened considerably over the last decade. "Huh. Not as bad as I expected."

Atton chuckled, and I heard Kreia clear her throat outside. I rushed back to the footlocker, not eager to be lectured. I put on my favorite wrist band over my corpse-looting gloves, and pocketed a few items that Atton didn't need to see. My datapad reminded me that my last memory of the _Harbinger_ and my first memory of Peragus were essentially the same – quality time in the medbay. It became rather ironic in my eyes that it also happened to be our next destination.

As we moved on to the medbay, I used my datapad to discover that the last time I was here, someone had pulled the same stunt on me as they had on Peragus: administering a massive dose of sedatives to put me into a coma of sorts. I immediately suspected that horrible droid. I saw my old kolto tank, and hoped I'd never again be injured badly enough to warrant one. Even after the better part of two days, the taste of the last was still heavy in my mouth.

I viewed the medical logs and security recordings, which were were quite unnerving; I found a face to assign to the strange voice I heard while on the bridge.

We passed through the turbolifts of the _Harbinger_, when Atton chimed in "I have a bad feeling about this."

I decided to be the adult, and simply ask, "What's wrong?"

"Don't you feel it? Something's gonna get real wrong, real quick."

"We'll have to be careful, then. But we have to keep moving."

"All right, but don't say I didn't warn ya. Trust me, when it comes to staying alive, I'm rarely wrong about these things." I didn't feel anything at first, but a half dozen steps later I could feel it too.

We pressed forward through the engine deck, when all hell broke loose. A man who looked to be the embodiment of "bad feeling" stepped into the light.

I was simultaneously worried and relieved when Kreia stepped forward. "This battle is mine alone. I am not defenseless. He cannot kill what he cannot see, and power has blinded him long ago. Run, I shall be along shortly."

I drew upon the force to hasten my step as we continued forward. I stopped only to steel the edge of my blade against the last of the droids I was sure to encounter. We made our way into the engines, readying the ship for our entry into the fuel line.

Atton was ready to be Mr. Sunshine once again, saying, "Tell me you're joking. We are not going to cross back into the Peragus facility through the fuel line. That's crazy!"

_I thought I'd already told you that was exactly my plan. Thanks for listening._ "Atton, you need to trust me. Come on."

"How can I possibly trust someone I don't even know? Against my better judgment, I'm following around two Jedi, neither of which have the decency to even tell me their names."

I sighed heavily. "Atton, my name is Lexi Mayn." I extended my hand for him to shake. He grasped my hand firmly, and looked into my eyes.

"Lexi, huh?"

I was briefly hypnotized by his eyes, and I stammered out, "I… I guess my name is really Alexis, but nobody's called me that since…" I broke off, remembering.

"Alexis. I like it," Atton replied.

I noticed that even up close I couldn't quite say exactly what color his eyes even were, but finally my mind focused back on the task at hand, "Atton, please just trust me, this is important."

"All right, but I know I'm gonna regret this."

As we pressed on, I almost thought I could hear snippets of Kreia's conversation in my head, but that feeling was cut off abruptly. I felt a horrible sensation, almost as if all of the skin on my hand was being ripped off at once. I collapsed, gritting my teeth and trying not to cry out. I heard Atton say, "Wh- what's wrong? Are you all right?" He scooped me up in his arms. "Lexi? Lexi! Dammit, hold on! It's only a little further. Don't give up on me now! Alexis!"

Hearing my name snapped my mind out of delirium, and the pain subsided not long after, to be replaced by an even more disturbing numbness. I knew my legs wouldn't yet carry me, so I didn't try to free myself from Atton's arms. He carried me out of the fuel line, and placed me gently down inside the fuel depot. "What happened to you?"

"Kreia…I think she was wounded…badly."

"Huh? How do you know that?"

"I…think it was through the Force."

"Look, if she's in pain, then that pain's buying us time we can't afford to waste, especially if sleeps-with-vibroblades gets tired of playing with her and decides to use us for practice next."

I slowly rose to my feet. I still felt weak in the knees, but that couldn't be helped. "All right…let's go." I noticed that besides the numbness in my hand, my whole body was tingling. A few seconds later my hand was tingling too, but differently. Where it felt like my hand was just waking up, the rest of me felt wonderfully alive. I wondered if my being carried here had any connection to the feeling.

I took in our surroundings, which consisted of little more than a rather large tunnel. Ahead of me, I saw a small metal mass. Atton spoke up first. "It's a utility droid. Looks like it's been hit with an ion charge and dumped here."

I recognized the droid as T3-M4. He beeped slowly, almost hesitantly, and he seemed even more cute than I remembered him being. He was explaining how he had arrived in his current predicament.

"I know, we ran into the 'protocol droid' earlier. He attacked us too." T3 sounded like he was apologizing for not doing more. "Don't blame yourself. If you hadn't gotten us out of the administration level, we'd have never made it this far."

T3 seemed satisfied with my reply, so I continued, "Come on then, we have to hurry." He consented immediately. I disabled the mine in our path, and collected a rather mundane and yet strangely important-looking object from a stash near where T3 had been dumped.

We continued, where once again I had to fight a bunch of reprogrammed droids. I had already removed the mines from the fuel line when I attempted to disable the emergency energy field, so it deactivated immediately. From there it was simply a matter of taking down several more droids to where I could get to the hangar bay.

Mr. Sunshine and Fracking Rainbows came out to play again, "This door's magnetically sealed. I can't believe this! The ship's right out there, and we can't get to it."

T3 started beeping excitedly at that moment. I had a hard time understanding him at first. "Woah. Slow down little guy. One more time."

"Huh? What is that piece of junk saying?"

I smiled. "He said he can open the door to the hangar. He just needs needs a minute to access the hangar terminal up on the platform."

"How can you even understand that noise?"

"I served with a lot of utility droids in the… well, many years ago."

"All right. Well, if he can slice the door open from the terminal above, don't let me stop him." I gave T3 the item we'd recovered just minutes before, and he quickly went to work on the console. A few moments later, the doors slid open. I was thrilled.

We fought some more droids, which seemed to far outnumber the people here, both living and dead. I kept a careful eye out for traps of all kinds; I kept the other two back as I collected a handful of mines for later use.

Next came the decontamination chamber. We only had one breath mask, and I couldn't spare the spikes needed to get rid of the poison gas, much less to open the doors.

"That's too many. Just smash it open," Atton said.

I nodded. "Put this on," I said to Atton, handing him the breath mask. I called upon the Force to calm my nerves before I smashed the console; I knew that this would be unpleasant. Poison gas flooded the room, overwhelming my senses. Atton took my hand and led me through the cloud; the poison was disorienting and I was rapidly losing consciousness.

I shook for a moment or two after we cleared the poison, my body removing it quickly but not painlessly. I clutched Atton's arm as we pressed forward, until I could once again breathe without wheezing and walk without trembling.

A few steps later, we arrived in the hangar bay. There she was, in all her glory. The _Ebon Hawk_. I approached her loading ramp hesitantly, but I only paused for a moment before boarding.

* * *

"Quick! We're gonna need some time to fire up the engines. Let's give the laser turret a workout." I had a lot of fun being able to take down Sith from the safety of the _Hawk_. I missed a few, but they weren't terribly difficult to dispatch.

I had greater difficulty dragging their lifeless bodies off of the boarding ramp. As usual, while they were still warm I had no trouble touching them at all.

"All right, let's get out of here!" shouted Atton, just as Kreia arrived. I recognized immediately why my pain had centered around my hand. Hers had been removed at the wrist.

"Kreia? Your hand – what happened?"

"There is no time, we must leave," was her dark reply.

Leave we did. Atton maneuvered the _Ebon Hawk_ through the nearest portion of the asteroid field, with the shattered husk of the _Harbinger_ hot on our tail. Where I was determined not to fire into the asteroids, our enemy held no reservations. All around us, small asteroids exploded with our enemies' missed shots, and our ship shuddered when the _Harbinger_'s shots found their mark. I held my tongue; my words could be of no assistance here.

"If they hit us, we're dead, but if they keep missing us, we're dead. That's great odds."

T3 started beeping, making Atton shout back, "Somebody shut that trash compactor up!"

I knew already that attempting a jump to hyperspace in the middle of an asteroid field was a recipe for disaster. I didn't bother to ask. "Just do your best to keep your distance – we'll get out of this yet."

"What about the asteroids? They can be destroyed by us as well as them, can they not?" Kreia had the nerve to interject. I shuddered. _What am I getting myself into, traveling with this woman? _

"That'll take out the whole field, the colony, and maybe us. We might not even be able to jump to hyperspace in time," replied Atton. For once, his Mr. Sunshine routine was a relief. I wasn't about to be the one to destroy Peragus.

"Then we die here. Choose now," Kreia demanded.

I wanted to tell her to space herself, but instead I said, "There's got to be another way. I won't be the one to destroy this colony. Keep evading the asteroids until we clear the field, and we'll try to jump to hyperspace."

Atton looked relieved as he shouted, "Hold on! This is going to get a little rocky."

Atton flew magnificently, avoiding countless asteroids as well as enemy fire. I couldn't help but be impressed. The Sith pursuing us took no heed as to where they shot in the asteroid field. I silently wondered how anything could burn without air, but I quickly realized it really didn't matter; the asteroids burned in the vacuum of space, even if I didn't understand how. (Occasionally I still wonder if that's why the fuel was so rough on engines). And burn it did. The raging inferno pursued us as eagerly as the Sith had, and we had perhaps a second or so to spare when we made the jump to hyperspace; the stern of the _Hawk_ was detectably warmed by the blast.

In the cold embrace of hyperspace, Atton was the first to speak. "Well, now that we just killed a planet, maybe one of you can tell me what's going on. Because between assassin droids, a Sith Lord that looks like he sleeps with vibroblades, and being target practice for a Republic warship, I was better off in my cell."

"The Republic warship was the _Harbinger_. It was seized on its way to Telos by the Sith - they sought you, Jedi," Kreia's replied acerbically. She caught my attention by virtue of a single word.

"Telos?" I whispered. I was being brought to Telos, and I had been all along.

"Yes, to aid in the recovery effort there. Many roads lead to Telos, including ours."

"Not like we have much of a choice, the Peragus astrogation charts being what they are," added Atton.

"It is where we must go… and where the _Harbinger_ was bound before our unfortunate encounter on Peragus," whispered Kreia.

"Yeah, I caught that the first time you told me. Care to explain how you tracked me down?" I replied.

"You were difficult to find, but… coincidence was on our side. When I learned that you were on the vessel, I knew the Sith would not be far behind. When we intercepted the _Harbinger_, it was crippled, drifting in space. I was a simple matter to board the vessel and rescue you. Unknown to me, however, the Sith were already on board. Just as we made the jump to hyperspace, they fired upon us, nearly destroying the _Ebon Hawk_."

"Well, that's quite the unusual set of coincidences," I replied, failing to keep my thoughts from flying out of my mouth, but fortunately diminishing the sarcasm which had accompanied the thought.

"True, but as one trained in the Force, you know that true coincidences are rare."

"And what, we just magically appeared on Peragus?" I asked.

"I do not know how the Ebon Hawk was able to make it to Pe-" T3-M4 cut off Kreia's statement with a series of excited beeps. "Be silent! We're having a conversation here." T3 ignored her demand for silence.

"He says he repaired the ship and got us to Peragus," I added, translating. _Little guy, you are even cooler than I first thought._

"Repaired this ship, my eye. Next thing you know it's going to claim credit for saving our skins. If that little noisemaker says it repaired the ship once, then it can prove it by doing it again. Go on, get!" added Atton.

_I'm willing to believe him._ T3 beeped and whirred in a distinctly sad fashion, and I picked up the threads of the old conversation. "So why are these Sith looking for me?"

"Because you are the last of the Jedi. Once you are dead, then they have won."

I hadn't wanted to believe what Atton told me about the Jedi being scarce. Kreia gave validity to his statement, and I swallowed my despair. "But I was exiled from the Jedi Order."

"Exile or not, the Sith believe you to be a Jedi Knight, and that is all that matters."

"But… last of the Jedi? That can't be true. It isn't possible," I insisted, my mouth dry.

"The Jedi Civil War destroyed the Jedi. By the war's end, barely a hundred Jedi remained. Many fell in battle… and many more were seduced by Revan's teachings."

Mention of Revan made feel a bit queasy. "What about the Jedi on Dantooine? And Coruscant?"

"The Jedi Academy on Dantooine is nothing more than a crater that echoes with the ghosts of dead Jedi, and the Jedi Temple on Coruscant lies empty. The waters in the Room of a Thousand Fountains have fallen still, in reverence to the fallen Jedi… and those now lost. Many Jedi blamed the teachings of the Jedi Masters for Revan's fall… and the civil war that followed."

_I can't be the last. I just can't!_ "If any survivors still live, we need to warn them," I insisted.

"Perhaps, but they are Jedi no longer. If the Sith have not already slain them, then they will not help you, nor can you help them."

_Wait, so they aren't Jedi, but for some reason I am? What kind of messed up logic is that?_ "Then how do we stop the Sith?" I wondered aloud.

"That… is not an easy question to answer. This threat is greater than you know… and I do not believe it is a battle that can be fought," replied Kreia cryptically.

"If we don't stop them, they're going to keep coming," I realized.

The vehemence in Atton's reply scared me just a little, though I didn't know why. "Look, enough with the 'we,' already."

"We cannot hope to triumph against them alone. To stop them, you will need weapons, allies, and… a teacher. In the end, I fear it may not be enough."

"What do you mean?"

"You fought in the Mandalorian Wars, and it cost you everything. Are you willing to sacrifice as much again?"

"The Mandalorian Wars were my choice," I said defensively, although not entirely truthfully.

"You are not listening to me. This is not like any field of battle you have ever fought in," Kreia hissed in irritation. "Think carefully on your choice. If you choose to fight, if you choose war, it is a path few turn from once the first steps are taken."

_But I did. I rejected war_, I thought angrily.

"It carries with it a terrible price. And in the end, you may find you have nothing left to sacrifice."

_It's not like I have anything to lose._ "If I do not try, then we have lost anyway."

"Pah, like so many Jedi, you hear, but you do not listen. You have much to learn," Kreia replied irritatedly.

_Well it's about time you figured out I wasn't really listening to you._

"But we have spoken long enough, and my wound pains me. I you have other questions, find me in the crew quarters… there, we will speak more."

"Hey, don't stop your long boring rants on my account. I was just getting sleepy-eyed," Atton quipped with a grin.

"Also, in private, we will be mercifully free from the opinions of imbeciles and fools," Kreia muttered as she retreated to the crew quarters.

_Thanks again for the redundancy. That makes you seem so much smarter than Atton._ I chuckled at my private sarcasm, but my face fell stoic as I met Atton's gaze.

"Look, uh, not like I care or anything, but you might want to go check on our passenger, especially with that hand of hers."

"You're right, she may need help. You're good up here?" I was confident he was, but I wanted to keep talking to Atton far more than I wanted to start up another conversation with Kreia.

"We're on autopilot until we hit Telos. Until then, a droid could fly this thing. Besides, I think our passenger could use your help."

"What makes you say that?" I knew he'd already noted her discomfort, knew I'd already conceded that point. I think Atton saw me stalling. I was surprised, since he really seemed to hate the woman. I was curious why he was so concerned.

"I think she's barely keeping it together. I'm surprised she's able to stand with all that pain rolling off of her."

I could honestly say I didn't sense anything. Maybe I wasn't as good at reading people as I had hoped. "What are you talking about?"

"Are you blind? If I were her, I'd be screaming like a stuck mynock. Well, I mean a very strong, manly mynock. I think she's just too proud to show any weakness…especially in front of you."

_Screaming like a very strong, manly mynock. _I hid my smile. _I'll have to bring that up again someday_. I froze as a thought occurred to me. _What if Atton leaves?_ The thought made me more ill than Telos ever could. I was slightly worried that the feeling was almost as strong as when I found out the state of the Jedi Order. I realized suddenly that I'd taken too long to reply. My mouth had gone dry, and I could only reply, "That's odd."

"Is it? In case you haven't noticed, she won't say two words to me, but she'll talk your ear off any chance she gets. What you think matters to her… a lot. She wants you to respect her. Besides, we haven't got much else to do until Telos."

If this was my last chance to tease Atton, I'd take it. "When did you get sensitive?"

"Oh, don't give me that. All it takes is being around people enough to read them. You should try it sometime."

_I believe I've just been bested in a duel of wills with a scoundrel pilot_. "I'll go check on her, then."

I approached Kreia filled with trepidation, even though I couldn't place why. _What could I possibly say?_ This feeling continued until I approached her. She spoke first, which should have broken the tension. It didn't.

"Have you come for more answers? There is little more left to give."

"When you lost your hand… I felt it too," I whispered.

"That does not surprise me, any more than you hearing my thoughts when we were apart. The pain, however, was unexpected; if I could, I would have shielded you from it."

A thought struck me hard. "If I felt the loss of your hand, what would have happened if you had died?" I asked, horrified.

"I do not know. I fear that… the consequences… would have been more extreme."

I was afraid to pursue this line of conversation, but my mouth got ahead of my brain. "More extreme? I felt like my hand was being degloved and dipped in salt!"

"Then the sensation you would feel upon my death might be less than that… though much quicker."

"Quicker? Like, death quicker?" I felt my stance weaken, and I sat on the edge of a bunk rather than risk falling.

"Possibly, yes, and I fear it works both ways. I would not wish to test it… nor should you."

_I don't believe you. I won't believe you. But I don't intend to kill you, so I guess it doesn't matter_, I thought irritatedly. "What could we possibly do? I don't want my actions to put you in the line of fire."

"When battle is upon us, I suspect our minds are prepared enough to shield each other from the pain. I think we shall not have a repeat incident of what happened at Peragus," she replied.

_Yep, she's lying. She was in the heat of battle when she lost her hand, so I don't see how that could possibly have a bearing on the situation. Yet there's definitely a bond here. Blast it._ "I've never heard of a bond this extreme," I noted aloud, trying to hide the disbelief in my voice.

"I confess its nature eludes me as well. But the bond is strong, and its roots run deep," she replied, seemingly oblivious to my skepticism. "It seems the Force flows easily between us. When one of us manipulates the Force to heal or strengthen ourselves, the other is aided as well. A powerful technique indeed. Though, as we have noticed, it has its drawbacks."

_Well yeah. Even if it isn't lethal, I don't anticipate enjoying the feeling when you drop dead. And you're old, so I'm likely to experience it. Okay, time to change the subject._ "When we were on Peragus, I could feel the Force again." _No need to tell her I could feel it before._

"Indeed? And it was the same as before?"

"It was like a whisper, at the edge of hearing," I replied softly. _Like my days as a youngling, when the Masters opened my eyes to the Force for the first time._

"If my suspicions are correct, perhaps the damage the Jedi Council did was not as permanent as they thought. It is not an easy thing, to cut one off from the Force," she replied.

If I couldn't tell she was lying before, I sure could tell now. "I don't believe the Jedi would do such a thing," I returned. _Well, not to me, anyway. I remember losing my connection, and it definitely wasn't by the Council's hand._

"What did you believe? That you suddenly lost your connection with the Force without reason?"

"But to cut one off from the Force… it's like losing all your senses at once." _Reduced to a shell of a human being._

"Indeed it is. It is much like losing one's ability to listen, or being put into a deep sleep, unable to awaken to the galaxy around you. Such a thing has been done before, when Jedi have pronounced sentence on their own… and exiled them, as they did you."

"I don't believe the Jedi would inflict such a punishment on someone." _On me_, I thought. "It seems… too cruel." _Yet strangely appropriate for someone who could still feel the Force by the time their judgment passed._

"If not the Jedi, then what did you think was the cause of such a loss?" Kreia asked, with a touch of harshness in her voice.

"I blamed the Mandalorian Wars… I did a lot that I'm not exactly proud of." _And then some_, I thought bitterly.

"War leaves many scars, but rarely does it blind one to the Force. If anything, conflict and challenge may make the connection stronger, more intense. No matter what horrors you experienced in the war, no matter who you served, it is unlikely that the Force would be lost to you unless another factor was involved."

_Well yeah, but there were a few million factors that all happened to die simultaneously. I'd think that would be enough._ "Can my connection to the Force be healed?"

"It is possible that such a thing can be undone. Still… even so, the chances of the Jedi undoing such a thing for a traitor… is a slim thing at best, assuming they yet live."

"But you said it's possible. How?"

"Our link… may have had other consequences. Perhaps you can hear the Force again… distantly, through me. If so, then there is hope. I may be able to teach you, train you to feel the Force again. And if you will not allow me to help you, then other Jedi must train you… or undo the damage they have done."

"But there are no more Jedi," I replied in disgust. _What makes you think I can feel the Force through you anyway?_

"Then I am your only hope, as you are mine. We are a sad pair, you and I, to defend the galaxy against such a thing. I offer to train you to become strong again, to know the ways of the Force, and to hear the Force sing within you as it once did."

"I would welcome whatever aid you offer," I heard my lips say before my mind could register what exactly I was agreeing to. _Oh, no. This can't be good. _I backtracked in our conversation. _Definitely not good.__  
_

"Then our training shall begin. Whenever I travel with you, I shall impart what I can to you, through my words and presence."

"Okay, um… would you mind updating me on galactic current events?"

"Much has happened in the galaxy in your absence, and since the defeat of the Mandalorians at Malachor V."

"Yeah, I can imagine. Many Jedi died at Malachor V… and the conflict split the Jedi Order."

"You speak the truth. The wars' end was merely another beginning, and what seemed a victory for the Republic was far from it. Many believed the Mandalorians defeated at Malachor V, but the Mandalorians taught the Jedi much through battle. And so it was that Malak, Revan, and the Jedi that followed them discovered their true natures in the Mandalorian crusade. But you know this."

"I felt them fall. The war had consumed them," I added.

"Consumed them? No. Taught them, defined them, yes. As Revan and Malak fought the Mandalorians in battle after battle, they grew to despise weakness, just as the Mandalorians did. In the end, the Mandalorians had taught them through conflict. Shaped the Jedi, and turned them into a weapon against the Republic."

"The Jedi Civil War," I muttered.

"Revan and Malak and all the Jedi that served them turned against the Republic and the Jedi Order. Jedi fought Jedi. Revan was ambushed by the Jedi and captured. Malak continued to wage war in his Master's place, inflicting terrible wounds on the Republic… wounds that bleed still."

"I've heard rumors, but how were Malak and the Sith defeated?"

"As all Sith do, without a strong enemy, the Sith turned on each other. Revan escaped the Jedi and returned to finish Malak… and that was the end of the Jedi Civil War."

"But… what happened to Revan?"

"No one knows… certainly not I. After defeating Malak, Revan left the Republic, and there are none who know where she has gone. It is said that the Sith remnants turned on themselves after Revan defeated Malak, reducing Korriban to ruin, as the Republic still bleeds and struggles for life. Where Revan wanders now, I do not know."

It broke my heart that Kreia didn't know where Revan had gone, but I hid my disappointment from my reply. Instead, I grasped at the one good thing I could glean from the conversation. "Revan turned against Malak for the sake of the Republic?" I asked hopefully.

"It would seem that way… from a certain point of view, perhaps. The Jedi Civil War left wounds that have yet to heal… we shall see if the Republic has the strength to survive."

"Then we must do what we can until it has a chance to recover from the war," I replied.

"A culture's teachings, and most importantly, the nature of its people, achieve definition in conflict. They find themselves… or find themselves lacking. Too long did the Republic remain unchallenged. It is a stagnant beast that labors for breath… and has for centuries. The Jedi Order was the heart that sustained its sickness. Now the Jedi are lost, and we shall see how long the Republic can survive."

"Can't we do anything to help?"

"We shall see. The Jedi Civil War cost the Republic much; the resources of the Sith seemed limitless. The Republic's was not. Fleets of warships, soldiers, and people were lost. Entire planets were decimated, their inhabitants dead… or refugees. It is a great burden for any civilization to bear. And this new threat… it is a quiet thing, unlike the Jedi Civil War. It drives at something deeper than the strength of the Republic. It is aimed at you."

_You've got to be kidding me._ "At me?"

"The Republic was never what was important. Ever. It was but a shell that surrounds the Jedi, just as the teachings of the Jedi are a shell surrounding the heart of man. You see, the war, the true war has never been one waged by droids, warships, or soldiers. They are but crude matter, obstacles against which we test ourselves. The true war is waged in the hearts of all living things, against our own natures, light or dark. That is what shapes and binds the galaxy, not these creations of man."

_You make it sound like the Force couldn't exist without us._

"You are the battleground. And if you fall, the death of the Republic will be such a quiet thing, a whisper, that shall herald the darkness to come."

_Without me._ This was a massive concept to contemplate. But placing the battleground within myself? I knew in my heart that the spirit of a person was where all important battles are fought, but that the battle for the Republic could be within my own spirit was troubling. "This is a lot to take in all at once. I need time to think."

I was starting to respect her for the lying old witch that she was, and then she had to ruin it all by insulting a man a hoped would be my friend. "I would see to that fool in the cockpit, and remind him of our destination. I would not want him attempting to veer from Telos."

"He's not a fool, but he does feel odd to me."

"He is a fool and an imbecile, his potential lies downwards, not up. Watch that one. His thoughts are slippery… I do not trust him, and nor should you. Such a man serves himself first… and his 'allies' next."

_Yeah, sure. And you lying to me with every breath is so much better. And I'll bet it's just that I'm not the only person on this ship who doesn't like having a weird old lady getting comfortable in their head. _

I went to him anyway, needing someone to talk with who didn't make me want to murder things. His greeting was priceless. "How's our passenger? She still aging?"

Atton's sense of humor lightened my heart somewhat, but I answered seriously, "For someone without much to say, she can't seem to shut up."

"Yeah, to you, maybe. I don't usually hear much beyond 'fool' and 'imbecile.' She's lucky she's a Jedi, or someone would've killed her years ago. I'm mean, how old do you think she is? She may have been good-looking once, but it takes some hard living to make creases like that," Atton countered.

I laughed out loud, "'Good looking'? Are you that desperate?"

"Hey, I just got out of prison," he countered, conjuring up images in my deluded little brain of all the holovids I'd watched during my exile. He didn't leave it at that though, and continued, "If we had a decent navicomputer, trust me, we'd be dropping out of hyperspace into the Nar Shaddaa Red Sector right now," he said, making me wince in disgust. "After spacing that old witch of course."

I cringed a little. _He's the type of man my_… I couldn't allow myself to finish the thought. Instead, I decided to defend Kreia. "Look, ease off the insults. She was wounded helping us escape, remember?"

"Woah, all right, all right! Don't get mad at me. Hey, I didn't ask her to stay behind and get her hand cut off, okay? I mean, I appreciate what she did and all, but she could stand to lay off the insults herself, you know?"

"Getting empathy from you is like squeezing water from a stone."

"Oh yeah? Well, how much water you get from a stone depends on what planet you're on, sister," Atton replied hotly.

_Come on Atton, don't take it like that. I'm not exactly great with people I have to interact with for more than a few minutes. Please don't get mad at me._ I sighed heavily, and walked towards the galaxy map to check our course.

Atton decided to confuse the hell out of me with his next statement. "So… what happened?"

"To what?" I answered softly, hoping he wasn't going where I thought he was going.

"Don't give me that. There were plenty of times back on Peragus where a lightsaber would have been helpful. So, where's yours?" Atton asked.

_Oh, Force. He's going there. Just stay calm, Lexi_. "Exiles aren't allowed to keep their lightsabers," I said quietly.

"Oh yeah? I thought a Jedi was supposed to be married to their lightsaber. Guess I heard wrong. Were you a single hilt or one of those double-bladed Jedi?"

"It wasn't a double blade," I whispered, barely audible over the creaking of the ship.

"Huh. Figures. It wasn't red, was it?"

I left the galaxy map and settled down in the copilot's chair. "Not quite. Both the blades and the crystals were unique."

"Yeah? Unique how?"

"Will you humor me for a moment?" I asked.

"Uh, sure," Atton replied, not looking very sure at all.

"Close your eyes and picture for a moment a stoic yet excited young Jedi Knight. She's dressed in the traditional robes of the Order, a saber in each hand." Atton nodded, his eyes closed. "She carries the burden and dignity of a respected officer, at the precious age of sixteen. Her lightsabers, though poised for battle, are extinguished." I paused for a moment, before deciding how to continue. "The hilts show signs of heavy modification. They have been etched, decorated, rebalanced, taken apart and reassembled hundreds if not thousands of times. Yet still they sing sweetly, having stolen no lives. A muscle twitches, a blade comes to life, humming gently before its song is to begin. It glows silver, like the streams in the Room of a Thousand Fountains on Coruscant. Another muscle twitches, and the second blade awakens."

"And?" Atton asked, leaning towards me on the captain's chair.

_Oh dear, I've set this up to be anticlimactic. I hope he forgives me._ "You think you see red at first, but then you realize that it is not red, but a pale feminine pink."

"Pink?" Atton shouted incredulously, but with a hearty laugh.

"The Jedi Order had never before seen such a thing. I had to use two color crystals and heavily modify the emitter to get the shade just right, but I managed to make a pink blade. And yes, I took my pink lightsaber to war with me. It helped my troops to identify me from a distance."

Atton sat silently for a time, so I added, "Atton, I was deaf, blind, and mute to the Force for a decade. Revan betrayed me personally. I didn't trust a soul, and so I forsook the company of all others during that time. There was nobody to fight. I could not have wielded a lightsaber during that time even if I had desired it, so after I time I no longer missed it."

"What did you do?"

"I spent the first few years searching for something, anything, to save my sister."

"You have a family?" Atton asked, interested.

"I used to," I mumbled.

"And your sister, she was dying?"

"No, I wished to save her from evil. From the dark side," I cut off Atton before he could reply, "Look, Atton, I'll discuss this with you some other time, but right now I'm so tired I'm about to drop. I'll be in the starboard crew quarters if you need me. If I'm not already awake, will you please wake me up when we exit hyperspace?"

Atton nodded. "Sweet dreams."

* * *

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, and I know it.  
_


	4. Dreams, Visions, and a Little Nudity

Disclaimer: While the Flanneled one does not own my soul, he does own Star Wars. The title is what I named the message to my beta reader when I told her I was sending a new chapter. She thought it was funny, and I think I do too. Please review, and I would love it if you nit-picked about my typos! (Seriously).

* * *

I walked to the starboard crew quarters. As soon as I was out of sight of the cockpit, I stripped away the mining uniform I'd been wearing. I found myself once again wearing that ridiculous jumpsuit I'd yet to replace.

I awkwardly positioned my body on the narrow bunk, fully expecting to fall asleep immediately. I was frustrated when I searched for sleep but could not find it. I tossed and squirmed about for many minutes, and indeed I found several reasonably comfortable positions; I was therefore puzzled that sleep continued to elude me.

Eventually I decided that perhaps I could meditate instead. I tried to position my body accordingly. The stances were easy enough to remember, and easy enough to fold into. The problem dwelt in my muscles. They had been strained, and the whisper of the Force within me was not sufficient to relieve my discomfort. Without practice, I had long since lost the focus required to meditate through intense pain.

At last I decided that I would meditate on my back. I had not done so since I was a padawan on Dantooine. I had been staring up at the starry night sky in wonder, contemplating the soul-crushing enormity of the universe. We had just learned that space was called space due to its infinite reaches, relatively void of matter. I'd felt so awestruck, so insignificant in its vastness. I had meditated there for hours; I'd found my center as I sought to become a light in that emptiness.

I settled down and tried to open my mind. I hoped that the Force was guiding me as my mind wandered into the shadows of my past. Already deep in meditation, I remembered the occasional visits to Coruscant while I was still very young. I had made a sport of hacking into the Archives, although I rarely had any purpose in mind. My mind slid to one occasion in particular, an evening when I'd had a purpose in my presence.

Two years had passed since I'd met my mother. Two years had fled away without me knowing what had become of my family. Finally, I was confident that I would learn the secret that had haunted me for so long.

I had typed furiously, testing the limits of my computer skills. When I began, I was naïve enough to think that a simple search of students originating from Nar Shaddaa would immediately deliver the faces of my relatives. After wading through the first hundred results, I had noticed the incredible number of students left to check. Shedding despair, I'd experienced an epiphany and typed even faster.

I'd hacked into the genetic archives of the Order, where DNA samples from every member and potential member of the Jedi Order were stored. I'd found my own information, and ordered the computer to run a direct relative scan.

I had been terrified of being caught while the computers compared hundreds of thousands of samples. The first query, to my disappointment, had been too vague; the search returned roughly five thousand people, many of whom had been dead for years. More than a little frustrated, I'd narrowed the search.

It took many years for me to find the patience that eluded me as a padawan. The twenty minutes I'd waited for my revised search results seemed to take forever at the time. I should have been grateful; most databases took far longer to retrieve simpler results.

The gentle _ping_ of the console had belied the significance of the results on its display. I saw three results: a knight, a padawan, and an initiate.

I'd been most interested in learning about my sister. What lonely little girl doesn't wish for a big sister? She was the padawan, and as her holopic came into view, my breath had caught in my throat. _I knew her_, and I recalled my own shock at this fact.

The console had prominently displayed the genetic similarity at about half. I had considered this before, but I wasn't far enough in biology to really understand the significance. As I meditated, it occurred to me that in all likelihood, we had the same mother _and_ father. Her origins were listed as an unknown planet in the outer rim of the galaxy, perhaps even in the unknown regions. The system was designated by a series of numbers.

I recalled reading the unfamiliar name at the top of the screen. Aoibhe Lokar. I'd been so confused. _Wasn't her name Eva?_ My mind briefly touched upon a later memory. Aoibhe had laughed at me when I asked her how to pronounce her name. I'd had no idea that the two names were pronounced the same; she had seen fit to tease me for about an hour because of my ignorance. I'd cried for twice as long.

Looking back, she'd been a very impressive padawan. At the young age of sixteen, she was being groomed for knighthood. The Jedi had badly wanted a young woman of such talent and charisma as a full member of their Order, and they wanted her as quickly as possible.

I tried to picture the face of my sister as I'd known her. She had our mother's bright blue eyes and narrow chin and jaw. However, her straight dark hair brought my memory to the second result of that fateful search.

The Jedi Knight looked very young in his holopic, and I'd wondered why I didn't recognize him. It had only been when I started analyzing the numbers that the pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place. Deagan Lokar was dead, and had been for several years. I recalled that his date of death was only a few weeks after I was born. I'd been intrigued by this strange man, so I started reading his file. He'd been so promising, and the Masters seemed sure that he would join them as a member of the council before long. Then he'd taken a mission that dragged him to the edges of the known territories, and he had neglected to return; he was only available remotely after that mission. I noticed as I flipped between Deagan and Aoibhe's pages that he had died on the very planet where she had been born. I looked at the genetic similarity between us, and I had realized that he must have been my father. With that in mind, I'd studied his face.

He had dark brown hair that hung stick-straight and probably would have been in his eyes if it had been long enough. His eyes were a dark stormy gray that looked like it was trying to be blue. _Like mine_, I'd realized. He had a broad jawline, a trait I'd inherited to a lesser extent. Even though he was not smiling in his holo, the kindness in his face was apparent. I'd seen his face in my own, and I'd recognized his features in Aoibhe. My sister had not inherited the naturally kind-looking features of my father. I'd sincerely hoped that I had.

The third result, I recalled, had only about one quarter similarity to me. Even as I meditated I knew the name, but I dared not think it outright; it was too painful. While Aoibhe and Deagan's names represented what they were at their best and indeed what they should have been, my brother's name represented only what he would never be.

I remembered the gap-toothed grin of the six-year-old he'd been. He had the blue eyes of my mother as well as wavy blonde hair reminiscent of her curly locks, but my father was nowhere to be seen in his face. The boy knew nothing but the Jedi Order; he'd been given up immediately. Indeed, the records showed that the mother had insisted the Jedi take him, even if he might be unsuitable for training. I remembered him; he'd been so excited when he lost his first tooth that he'd shown everyone he could find. He had also been very strong, and spoke like a little gentleman, both of which were unusual in a child so young.

As I recalled the pleasant days of my childhood, sleep finally found me.

* * *

My dreams began immediately. In my dream, I was a confident fifteen years old. I had nearly reached the age at which my sister had been knighted, and to my amazement the Masters had begun grooming me for knighthood as well. As part of my training, I was to substitute teach a class of younglings on basic lightsaber technique. This was not the first time I'd done so; the younglings seemed to appreciate my enthusiasm. I'd corrected my charges' grips where necessary, and heard myself explaining the musical grace and beauty in the hum and crackle of the lightsaber. My little brother was among them. My hands on his, I'd corrected his grip for the third time that afternoon; normally he wasn't so careless. He'd smiled back at me even as I'd given him the same encouraging smile that I offered each struggling initiate.

I hadn't tried to show any favoritism; I'd still kept the secret of my family guarded close to my heart.

My dream shifted. Half a year had passed, and I was ascending to knighthood. A small ceremony had been held, and I'd noticed my brother in the back of the room, watching anxiously. I had wondered if I was ready to take a padawan, if I was finally ready to tell him, but I didn't have long to wonder. My sister had also been present, although she seemed to care little for the ceremony. I'd guessed that one of our friends had dragged her there.

For the past few years, I had tried to befriend my sister. She'd assumed I was just another of her adoring fans, so my attempts were ignored. I had been too stubborn to tell her the truth; I'd wanted to be legitimate friends with my sister before I told her of our connection. Her friends, however, had been significantly warmer towards me.

The dream jumped to the time just after the ceremony, the very moment when the course of my life began to irreversibly shift.

"Hey, you're one of Squint's friends, right?" I'd heard a voice ask.

I'd turned around and was set face-to-face with Aoibhe. She'd never before initiated a conversation. "Yeah, I'm Lexi," I had replied hesitantly.

"Congratulations. For being knighted, I mean."

"Thank you," I'd whispered.

"What do you think of this war? Terrible, right?" The Mandalorian War had been in its infancy just prior to my birth. It had reached full maturity in that last year, and the talk of the young Jedi was whether or not the Order should assist.

"I'm pretty sure I'm not cut out for war," I'd softly replied, sighing heavily. At the time, I'd had no intention of joining; I'd never liked death. I'd always been more comfortable tinkering, training, and healing others.

"Strange, I imagine you'd excel at it," she'd replied, and left without another word.

The dream shifted to three days later. Alek Squinquargesimus had been a bit easier to befriend than Aoibhe, even though the two were practically joined at the hip. True, he had taken to me partially because I'd bothered to learn how to pronounce his last name. He'd been a year older than Aoibhe, but he was so warm to the finding of new friends. He didn't have the same self-righteous conceit that some of the Jedi seemed to always carry, my sister included.

I thought he'd been my best friend and closest confidant. I was the baby sister of the great Aoibhe Lokar, blood to the pride and joy of the Jedi Order, and he was the first soul I ever told, before even my own Master.

"Hey Alexis," he'd called, emphasizing his own name within mine, making it sound like Alek-sis.

"Alek, I don't call you Squint. Why can't you just call me Lexi?"

"The similarity is just too delicious, my dear."

"Fine, call me Alexis, just… never call me _that_ again." I'd felt a slight shudder creep up my spine.

"Call you what?" he'd asked, trying to look innocent.

"Don't call me _your dear_," I'd half-whispered. "It's weird, and… it makes me uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry Lexi. My purpose here isn't just to tease you. Aoibhe sent me."

"Why?" my mouth had asked before my brain could stop it. I'd not actually wanted to hear his answer.

"We can't wait any longer. The Republic needs Jedi assistance, and I no longer believe that the council will offer it. We are going to war, with anyone who will follow us. There are a few already, but she's confident there will be more."

"I don't know anything about making war," I'd whispered as softly as my voice would allow.

"And yet we need you."

"So Aoibhe is determined?" I'd asked hesitantly.

"Nothing could possibly stop her. If you wish to ensure her safety, it can only be in person."

I'd nodded gravely, my thoughts jumbled. I'd known in that moment that I would be accompanying them. No sister of mine was going to war without me. I had realized a second later that I would be leaving behind the youngling boy. No little brother of mine was going to war, ever.

My dream shifted. The images I'd seen were true to memory in every whit. But this next dream was different. I was not present for the events, but still I saw them. Since I could feel the Force again, I did not know if what I saw was vision or imagination. The dream's beginning immediately made me wish for the latter.

I saw my brother dressed in padawan's robes, wielding a green lightsaber. He was a young teen, training on the grasses of Dantooine. Before my eyes, a man in black popped into view, his stealth field broken. He had managed to sneak up behind the young padawan. The man pulled out a large vibrodagger, and slashed open the boy's throat. The force of the blow was so powerful that it broke my brother's neck. He was dead before his body met the Dantooine plain. I desperately tried to wake up, but my mind seemed determined to trap me here.

The dream faded briefly, and I saw my brother alive and well, fighting valiantly to defend a group of younglings from a Dark Jedi. The boy had the upper hand momentarily, but the Dark Jedi's Force lightning stopped my brother's heart. My heart tried to stop with it. His eyes went dark, and I continued to try to awaken.

My dream jumped violently, and I saw the Dantooine Enclave being bombarded by a hostile fleet. I saw the walls collapse, and saw him pinned under some piece of the building, while another chunk of rubble snuffed the light from him. My efforts to wake from this nightmare became more desperate.

Each time I saw him die again, I would first see him alive and well. I saw him battling Mandalorians as one of my troops, and I saw the blaster bolts rip his torso to shreds. I saw a Republic capital ship poised above a battle with the Mandalorians. I remembered that vessel from the war, even as I watched it plummet to the planet's surface, killing all on board. In the dream I was sure that the boy was on board. I saw him on the surface of Malachor V moments before the Mass Shadow Generator activated. I saw the generator rip apart his body from the inside, liquefying his bones and vital organs.

My dream dissolved into darkness, but not into silence. _You killed your own brother_, a quiet, emotionless voice in my dream and perhaps also in my head whispered. _He's dead, and it's your own fault_. I'd distanced myself to protect him, and in so doing I had gotten him killed. _What if the last was a vision?_ If it was true, then I hadn't just managed to get him killed, I'd killed him myself.

* * *

A flood of emotions came roaring out, and with a terrified scream I finally found consciousness.

My screams dissolved into sobbing as my heart hammered a rough rhythm behind my ribs. The beat was so intense I feared my heart would leap free. I was hyperventilating, gasping for air so desperately that I grew lightheaded.  
Atton must have heard my scream, for he dashed into my room moments later. He was dressed a bit differently, missing his jacket, boots, and gloves. _Oh, napping in the cockpit?_ I wondered.

"What's wrong?" he asked, trying (and failing) to appear nonchalant.

"Nightmare," I squeaked between gasps. "My… brother… dead." I was unable to control my hysteria enough to lend an explanation.

"Wait, you have a brother too?" Atton asked in surprise.

I nodded.

"So how did he die?"

"Don't… know… but… all… my… fault." My gasping wouldn't allow me more than one word in a breath.

"Lexi, how is that even possible?" Atton asked as he sat on the edge of my bed.

"I… left him… to die."

"So he was injured."

I shook my head no, and buried my face into his shirt. _No, he wasn't sleeping._ He must have cleaned himself up while I slept, because he smelled a lot better than I expected. I smelled soil and fresh sweat with an undercurrent of something I couldn't identify. He smelled like a man. I breathed in deeply, which settled my respiration. I didn't want to pull my face away and instead mumbled into his chest, "I left him behind when I went to war, and something happened, and he's dead, and it's all my fault!" I exclaimed this in a single breath, which forced me to gasp for air once again.

"Huh?"

I started sobbing into him, his shirts growing wet with my tears. He let me cry, running his fingers gently over my shoulder. The tingling at his touch made me remember my pain, but I could not find it. The lack of that familiar ache was far more noticeable than the pain itself had ever been, but the tingling was almost overwhelming. I couldn't help but be calmed once again.

"My brother was training to become a Jedi, and I had decided to become his Master, although I hadn't told him yet. I was drawn into the war, and I couldn't bear to bring him with me. I thought I was protecting him, but if the Jedi are all gone, then he is too. If I'd brought him with me, I might have protected him."

"So you did have a family."

"Yep, but no husband. The ol' lightsaber and I never managed to tie the knot," I tried to joke.

Atton laughed and gave me a playful shove.

"I've never told anyone about my brother before. Even he didn't know."

Atton's laughter faded and he gently kissed the top of my head. I lifted my head to look at him, and he astonished me by kissing my cheek. I blushed heavily, and tucked my face in his shoulder.

"Sorry, Atton. You don't have to do this. I'm a big ball of crazy today."

"Do what?"

"Comfort me. I've been managing for years on my own."

"Yeah, I know I don't," he replied softly. He didn't leave.

After a few moments, I asked, "Why do you put up with my nonsense?"

"We haven't exactly known each other long. Maybe I just don't know any better."

"I gave you an out, but you stayed. Why?"

"What can I say? I'm a sucker for a pretty face," Atton said jokingly. "And you don't treat me like a blithering idiot."

"I guess so." Then I added in barely more than a whisper, "I'm not too pretty right now, though."

"What was that?" Atton asked.

"Don't worry about it," I said dismissively.

"Don't worry about what? Don't you make me change my mind about you."

"Oh, fine. You can call me pretty all you like, but right now I'm a total mess."

"Oh, I don't know. Lose some of those clothes and I'm willing to bet that nobody would even notice." I punched his arm. "Ow! Good to know I can rile you up."

"Yeah, big challenge," I said with a laugh.

"I'll take what I can get. See? I got a smile out of it."

"Oh yes, your powers for cheering me up are masterful."

"Glad you think so," he said with a wink.

"Too bad it was you who made me need cheering up that time."

"I'm sure I'll improve," he added. "But you're always cute, even when you're sad."

"You haven't seen me in every situation. You're just trying to make me feel better."

"I thought I already did."

I sighed. "Yeah," I replied simply. The silence settled between us, and I was loath to break it. The question squirming around the edges of my mind finally persuaded me, though I was unsure how to approach it. "Can I… will you… stay with me here for a few more minutes? Maybe if I'm not alone the nightmare won't find me again."

"Uh, I guess so," he replied. He sat silently with me until sleep gently carried me away.

* * *

Some time later, my eyes popped open. My dreams had been peaceful if not memorable. Atton must have tucked me back in, for I felt very warm on the bunk. It was with a start that I realized we'd had our rather intimate conversation in the same weird jumpsuit I'd been wearing when we met. _I really need to get some better nightclothes_, I thought.

I rose, and searched the gear we'd recovered. In the _Harbinger_ I'd found a padawan robe but decided not to wear it. I analyzed the components of the outfit and saw that the tunic, boots, and leggings looked like ordinary civilian clothing, and so I pulled them on. The sudden chill of the _Hawk_ made me shiver; my body was still used to the warmth of my bed. I wrapped myself in the robe, and walked to the cockpit.

"How long was I out?"

"A few hours. We're still far enough away that I'll bet you could get a few more."

"Thanks, but I'm fine," I replied. "Hey, Atton?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for helping me…. Would you like a shot at a bunk? I can babysit the _Hawk_ for a few hours."

"Sure you don't want to join me?" he countered with a roguish grin.

"And leave T3 or Kreia to pilot this crate?"

"Okay, maybe not. Unless _you_ trust that little trash compactor not to get us killed. Oh, and I see you've decided to dress like a Jedi."

"Actually, I'm just wearing the tunic and leggings… and the boots. Well, and the robe, but only because I'm cold. I'm not a Jedi."

"I'm sure."

I opened the robe to show him, and added, "I happen to trust T3, I just didn't think you would."

"Fine, do what you want. Hopefully your bunk is still warm."

He walked off, trying to swagger, but I could see the exhaustion in his gait. _How did I miss that before? If he was in that force cage for more than a day, he'd have to have been even more exhausted than I was._

As soon as Atton was out of earshot, I tracked down T3. "Hey T3, you feel like piloting for a bit?" T3 eagerly beeped his assent. Or, at least I think that's what it was. It can't be easy to convey eagerness in a binary language. "Thanks, buddy. I'm gonna explore a bit, and then check in on the others. Don't have _too_ much fun." I winked and giggled a bit at my feeble attempt at a joke. T3 beeped dubiously, and I grinned in reply.

My explorations yielded little, so I decided a full inventory was in order. Our food supplies were reasonably well-stocked, although until I could supplement them, we could expect to be surviving on a highly nutritious but tasteless glop. The water stores weren't quite as encouraging. While the recycling system was in good order, the actual supplies were low enough that there simply wouldn't be enough water for anything more luxurious than a sponge bath. As I examined the small on-board refresher, I was relieved to find a sonic shower. We were also running low on sterile wipes, and the complete extent of our medical supplies consisted of what I'd managed to scavenge from Peragus. Within a storage compartment just off the main hold, I found a damaged droid that held an eerie resemblance to the HK-50 droid that had shattered the lives at Peragus. I found that it was missing a few key parts, and that I even had a suitable replacement for its vocabulator. I knew I'd need it when I scavenged through the broken remains of the HK-50 unit, although I had no idea why at the time. I installed it in the older, rusted-out model and backed away slowly.

I sighed heavily. I didn't know why my mood had grown somber, although I suspected that the dim lighting of the ship was a major contributor. I sat on the cold durasteel floor and let my mind wander.

Out of the corner of my mind, I thought I heard something from the starboard dormitory, where Atton slept. _Well, where he is,_ I corrected myself. _No way of knowing what he's actually doing in there._ (I had yet to find the security camera access terminal.) I decided to investigate the disturbance.

I stepped into the dormitory and was greeted by the edge of a bare backside. I tried not to giggle, and failed spectacularly. My pilot was wearing nothing, and the only thing the blankets managed to do was to accentuate his assets. I felt relief that he slept on his front, even if it meant that he'd drooled on the pillow. I was in no way ready or willing to see everything. _Did I imagine hearing something?_ Suddenly, his whole body tensed and started to shake. He made an odd strangled cry into the pillows as a grimace contorted his handsome features. My memories brought me back to the pubescent boys at the Enclave. I averted my gaze, hoping I hadn't walked in on something I'd regret seeing.

I opened my mind to the Force, and saw that Atton was experiencing a nightmare of his own. I thanked the Force that my initial suspicion was wrong.

I sat down on the edge of the bunk and repositioned the blanket over his rear. I began by hovering my fingertips over the expanse of his back, not actually touching the skin. His back was pale; I guessed he didn't see much sun. It looked smooth, but then he shifted position and the light cast shadows on a handful of scars.

I ran my fingers over his back, trying to calm him with the Force. I could feel the raised scars that seemed to coat his back; only a few were raised enough to catch shadows. I lost my concentration momentarily, wondering how he could have so many. I could almost feel an echo of the pain in them, and began humming a lullaby that I'd known by heart since infancy.

I'm not sure what calmed him, but after a few minutes his shaking quieted. I placed a gentle kiss below his right shoulder and made my way back to the cockpit.

"Thanks T3, I've got it from here," I said as I entered. I waited in the cockpit for several hours, bored senseless. It was during this time that the ache returned. Like a beast it gnawed at me, although its teeth seemed to be less sharp than usual. In my fingertips it was entirely absent. I wondered if this "human contact" thing worked with people besides Atton. _Meh. As long as he sticks around, what difference does it make, anyway?_

As I sat in the _Hawk_'s cockpit, perched in the copilot's chair, my thoughts drifted to the man whose very touch seemed to heal me. _What if others' touches don't have the same effect? What if they do? What if he leaves? What if he stays?_ I felt fear grip hold of my heart, and so I meditated.

* * *

A few hours later, Atton returned to the cockpit. "You saved my seat for me."

I was sitting in the copilot's seat. Already the pilot's seat felt like it was Atton's alone. I'd been meditating too deeply to really notice the significance. "Huh. I guess I did."

He settled into his seat, then looked at me. "Hey, thanks for letting me sleep."

"Sure. No problem. You must have found my nightmare, though."

"You came in while I was sleeping?" he asked, curiosity written all over his face.

"Well yeah, although for a second I thought you were doing something else entirely," I said with a smile and a blush.

"So that part wasn't a dream. Did you see… anything?" he asked.

My blush deepened, and I decided to be vague in my reply. "Not really. So I think we're pretty close to Telos now," I said, hastily changing the subject.

Not revealing whether he'd noticed my change, Atton replied, "Okay. Want to play a game of pazaak?" The hopeful glint in his eyes made me wonder which rules he'd suggest

As I was about to reply to the affirmative, I remembered. "I lost my deck a while back."

"Oh," Atton said, crestfallen. "So, what did you see?"

Despite the sudden change back to a previously abandoned topic of conversation, I immediately knew what he meant. "Enough to know that you were naked, not enough to know if I should be impressed. You were lying face down."

"Well you would have been impressed," he winked.

"I'm sure." I grinned broadly. "I guess we're even."

"Oh really? You must have seen more than you said."

"Well, on second thought, maybe not. I'll keep you updated," I added, thoughts of what it might take for us to _really_ be even swirling through my head.

Atton shot me a quizzical look. "You're the weirdest Jedi I've ever met."

"I'm not a Jedi!"

"But you used to be one?"

"Do we have to talk about this right now? Sure, I don't have a husband. I'm sure you don't have a wife. That doesn't make _you_ a Jedi."

"What makes you think I don't have a wife?" Atton asked defensively.

"Your enthusiasm for cheap hookers."

"I might just be a bad husband."

"The problem is emotional attachment, so you're in the same situation I am."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"If you were married, and I know you aren't, then you obviously wouldn't be emotionally attached to your wife. The point stands." I took a deep, steadying breath. "Atton, Jedi aren't defined by what they can or cannot do, nor by what they will or will not do. Jedi are defined by what they think and by what they actually go out and do," I said steadily. "And by how they treat the people around them," I added as an afterthought.

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Yeah, I know. The Jedi have been content to do nothing while the Republic burns, maybe even the whole galaxy. They teach mercy and compassion, but use their own so-called 'wisdom' as an excuse not to practice it. If that's what it means to be Jedi, I'm content just being Lexi." I was stunned. I'd never voiced my problems with the Order before, although I'd thought it through many times.

"Oh," came Atton's laconic reply.

"Maybe it won't always be that way," I added thoughtfully.

"Maybe," agreed Atton.

In that moment the _Hawk_ lurched out of hyperspace, and for the first time I saw Citadel Station at Telos. Atton transformed back into a very capable pilot, landing our craft gently in one of the module hangars.

As he and I walked to the exit ramp, I took his hand and squeezed gently. We stopped for a moment.

"Atton?"

"Yeah?"

"This could get… difficult. Please, whatever happens, just follow my lead."

Atton nodded, and I released his hand. I took a deep breath, and side-by-side we walked down the exit ramp of the _Ebon Hawk_.


End file.
